Woman at the Inkwell

From Envy to Contentment

2012-02-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

I really envy a friend of mine. She's a lawyer, married with no kids, and living just outside Washington D.C. She has time to run long distances, visit local markets, and spend time "centering" on Sundays.

Today is Sunday and my day was anything but centered. I haven't showered, the laundry is complete but unfolded, and I am sitting mired in a cluttered desk with a to-do list longer than my 5'9" frame. Five minutes ago I had a glass of red wine, but I can't put my finger on it now...

I miss the days before my kids. There, I said it. It doesn't make me love my children any less to say that. It doesn't make me any less of a good mommy to reminisce the days when leaving the house took no longer than the amount of time it took to find my keys. Or to wax on about the weeks when the house only had to be picked up ONCE. Or to want a weekend away with my husband to remember what he looks like without his yogurt-smeared sweatpants.

We have fond memories of our time before our children and I've been told by friends that the years between 0-5 are some of the hardest on a marriage because of the constant grind. Somedays the storytelling is all that gets us through these long days.

As I find myself envying my dear friend's life I hear the Lord say, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods."

Thanks Lord...

However, when God gives you a message like that and you can't get it off your heart, I've found that the only way past it is to take it to prayer. As I mulled over that phrase, angry at God for missing the point, I couldn't make myself feel better. Nothing I read or thought could justify me past what God was telling me. If I wasn't right then I had to wander down the rabbit hole of "what if God is right?"

Shoot...

What I have is beautiful. The life we live is so blessed. Activities and outings that once had meaning as a couple now have a whole new dimension as a family. Wings and fries nights are now family date nights and I'd never want to miss a "laugh 'til you cry" trip to the zoo. Long car romantic drives are now comandeered for "pil-loso-pee" discussions about the comings and goings of all things cows and dragons. As I type I'm listening over the monitor to my son click the cats into his room so they can "listen for a story". And there is nothing, absoultely nothing, more wonderful than watching John Ross teach his sister how to use the IPOD.

These are moments of my life that I will never get back. Perhaps that is why the Gospel of Matthew reminds us, "Do not worry about tomorrow...today has enough trouble of it's own."

Okay, Lord...but, I still miss those days.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters."

It is time to find contendedness is the place my shepherd has led me. He has promised to lead me to safety, nourishment and rest. I must relish the gift of the moment. Five years from now I will find myself missing these days and wishing them back.

"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Amazing how something as unnerving as envy can take my heart through a beautiful scripture journey to a place where I can and should find contentment in God's providence. Now it is up to my free will and discipline to remain in the place of contentment.

Daybook January 2012

2012-01-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

Outside My Window ...
Darkness. While we've had an usually warm and snow-less winter here in Wisconsin, the days are no longer than any other year. I love the peace of the darkness. I love the warm lights that come from inside homes. I love how well I sleep. And I love how much I notice and appreciate the warmth of sunlight. I miss the days of my childhood when I could spend my afternoons with my nose buried in a book while curled up in a sunbeam.
***

I am listening to...
Clara yelling at her brother for dumping out a box of blocks. Words like "naughty" and "such a mess" seem to be babbling about. She is her daddy's tidy little girl. John Ross and I are more creative types for whom messes are just part of life. We like things a certain way, but it isn't typically the way other people like them.
***

To Live the Liturgy…
We have all been working on forgiveness. Both the kids and the parents in this house are good at "I'm sorry", but we're all working on what it means to accept an apology and how we behave afterwards. Mama is working on not holding a grudge.
***

To be Fit and Happy…
I mentioned in this same item in October that I was up against my anxiety. It really hasn't gotten much better since. Upon advisement of my RN mother, I researched and took up a regular dosage of St. John's Wort. A week and a half into the regimine I am feeling less edgy and more focused. My anxiety isn't derailing my plans nearly as often. I have high hopes that as it continues to take full effect (4-6 weeks) I will find myself a bit more joyful too. While I am not a "take a pill" kind of girl, anxiety and depression run in my family and the winter season can be rough on anyone up in this neck of the woods.

***

I am thankful for ...
Our basement being finished!!! Kevin worked tirelessly this fall amidst my hectic schedule to finish our previously empty basement. We now have a beautiful space for stashing the kids toys and watching movies. It is warm, welcoming, and I am SOOOO grateful. Disappointed that I will miss the championship games down there this weekend, but cheering on the Pack in hopes that I might be able to watch them in the SuperBowl in a few weeks!
***

From the kitchen ...
Christmas is over and we are in hunker down financial mode. We've re-established a budget and are focusing on simplifying. As an added challenge, my sister, a night NICU nurse, was looking for easy, afforable meals that she could count on. They had found themselves, like many of us, ordering in and eating out WAY too often. So, over the New Year we put together five weeks of meals, recipes, and shopping lists to help us all out. I'm trying to stick to them since I know exactly what they cost and the work they entail.
***

I am creating ...
I have some big news coming very soon on a big endeavor we have discerned as a family, but the timing isn't quite right yet for sharing. Keep praying for us and our BIG project!
***

I am reading…
"Lunch in Paris" all about a young woman living, eating and romancing in Paris. It's quick, light reading with some fun recipes to try! Nothing intense or soul satisfying, but a nice treat at the end of a busy day.
***

Towards a real education ...
We're working on politeness and proper pronunciation. Coo-cans and pokamots are cute, but not going to cut it in the real world. Clara is also working on knowing her own name instead of responding, "John Ross" or "Scoopy" when she is asked.
***

Bringing beauty to my home ...
I have taken Christmas down. I usually wait until the Baptism of Our Lord, but this year Christmas became cluttered and I needed to return to the simplicity of everyday life.
***

I am hoping and praying…
For a postive outcome of my mother's surgery this Friday. She's been dealing with a chronic issue for the past few years and as the bouts have become more painful and frequent, she is having a procedure done that we believe will correct it. Please keep her in your prayers.
***

Around the house ...
Warm weather + crazy kids = time outside! Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy...
***

One of my favorite things...
My new bras...I hate bra shopping and had two underwires snap within the week before Christmas. I dreaded replacing them, but armed myself with my sister warriors over the New Yeawr. We went to Soma and found some great after Christmas deals on just the kind of bras I need. And they're pretty too!
***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
Work, work, and more work. Then rest. We are gearing up for Confirmation here and so the week is full of candidate interviews and our monthly faith formation family night. Then Clara and I are packing up for a girls weekend in Chicago with my sister. We're leaving John Ross and Daddy home.
***

In Pictures...
Spent the weekend with these two lovely people!!!! My sister and brother-in-law!

Gotta Love That Red-nose Reindeer!

2012-01-10T07:52:00.000-08:00

My kids are fascinated by Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer this year. Last year, John Ross could have cared less, but this year it is definitely a highlight! He sings, dances, and panics in all the right places.

Amidst all of his joy, I'll be the first to admit that this season has been rough on this mama this year. Advent is one of my favorite times of year. I thrive on the anticipation, joy, and dare I say peace of the season. When things are less than peaceful, I am good at remembering that riding on a donkey nine months pregnant and giving birth in a cave is anything but peaceful. But this year, that explanation isn't taming the stress in my heart.

We have two weeks of illness that has required a lot of laundry and cleaning, two ambiguous medical diagnoses, a basement remodel, work politics, holiday work obligations, sitter-drama, and two snapped underwires (this may seem trivial to some, but amidst the big picture bra shopping was a complete nightmare - ultimately resulting in me walking out of the store empty handed). At one point I ended up in tears, in my car, in the middle of a grocery store parking lot at 9:30 at night. I believe my exact phrase to my mother on the phone was, "I just don't know what to do anymore."

And yet, the next day, that sweet little reindeer was on for the umpteenth time this season and a few things resonated with my holiday plight. Here is the list:

She thinks I'm CUTE...sometimes all we need is a little pick me up. We all just need to feel beautiful, loved, and appreciated. A single kind work goes a long way.

We're a couple of misfits...as followers of Christ we don't always fit the mold. Not only that, but we're all different and our differences is what makes our community rich. It's not always easy, but embracing our own differences and standing strong in them is being the person God created us to be.

Fame and fortune...in one of the version of the movie, the song about misfits was replaced with a song called "Fame and Fortune". Fame and fortune in today's world is something that can often become very dark and very lonely. But the words fame and fortune for us a Christians can mean our call to lead an exemplary life and a life that is full of the richness of being - gratitude, generosity, charity.

No human can live on an island...We need to live in community. I'm an introvert (I know, I know...some of you don't believe me...) and most days I would prefer to hole up in my house. With two small children I often feel like I am living in a penguin colony with all the chatter going on. That being said, it is important for everyone to reach out once in awhile for some quality human interaction. We need the perspective, affirmation, and accountability of having others in our life. It's a human need, not just a social desire.
Even the abominable snow monster needs a job...we all have gifts and when we aren't able to use our gifts we can get a little cranky. Serving others does not have to be something out of the ordinary or something we consider a chore. The best type of serving is the type we do best and joyfully. To quote Bishop Bob, "Don't stay out of your gifted area too long."

What Kind of Bird Are You?

2011-12-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Kevin and I were laying in bed the other night talking and at one point he said to me, "You just don't like to fly in formation when the rest are lagging behind."

This comment has really gotten to my core. At first, there was a guilt - why can't I just fly in formation? Why can't I just go with the flow? My husband can just put his head down and get through, why can't I just put up and shut up? My life would be so much easier...

Then my husband reminded me, "Sometimes we need people who march to the beat of their own drum."

Two very mixed analogies and so in jest I said, "No, I'm not a goose like everybody else. Geese just all fly together making a lot of noise and soiling all over everybody else's stuff. I'm a hawk. A solitary bird that sees what I want, watches quietly but actively for awhile, and then swoops in to get it."

But then I thought about it - that's too agressive. I'm not that way either.

As I laid there in the dark I continued to think. Finally, I rolled over and said to Kevin, waking him, "Nope, I'm a hoot owl - a barred owl to be specific. Solitary, noctural, and thoughtful. I speak loudly when necessary and take decisive action when it comes to my hungers and the hungers of my family."

Yes, I am a hoot owl.

What are you?

Matthew 6: 25-27

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?"

Song of a Sick Day

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it's not been the most wonderful time of the year in this house for the past 4 days. We've passed a stomach bug, tips and tails, through all four of us. Clara got it first and seems to be the last to shake it. She's not really had an illness in her 18 months and I just don't think her body knew exactly what to do with it.

Suffice it to say, we've learned first hand that sick days as parents are no longer about getting well, just getting by.

Reality aside, we learned a very important family lesson. There we sat (I laid), two busy parents in the middle of the holiday season, huddled up in the fetal position bribing each other to care for the bare necessities of childcare. For an entire day our children took turns cuddling up with us both in billowing piles of blankets. By the end of the day my son was the most pleasant and content he's been in weeks and my little Miss Daisy had foregone her usual sassy, independent self in favor of a snuggly little lamb.

Our children had been craving some undivided attention and it took a massive sick day effort for us to realize it. While initially I felt like a terrible parent, I have come to believe that it was just me discerning some priorities in the midst of crisis - or finding God's silver lining!

The work on our basement is likely to be finished by this weekend, but you won't find me down there staining or painting. We're taking this final weekend of Advent to enjoy time as a family doing all the things I put off every year like gingerbread houses, light viewing car trips and holiday video viewing. I am going to cook like a madwoman for no one other than my family and spend lots of time snuggling with the kids and my sweet husband.

Searching for a Voice

2011-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Where to look?
In a book?
For a sound.

To a colored house or a shape of five?
To people of red and blue, but half alive?
It cannot be found.

No! Seek the truth, the faith, the way!
Find it here, the saints all say.
Even here, my voice is drowned.

I hear it here, right here inside.
Crying to get out alive.
Screaming from the inner self,
to be pulled from the shelf.

A voice discerned,
a heart concerned,
a soul with blessings which abound.

Two small heads entrusted there,
two small hearts taught to care,
My voice, perchance sent heavenbound.

I hear it speak to their small ears,
even through the mindful tears.
Their lives of love and laughter be,
hope for my dying voice eternally.

Funeral Regrets

2011-12-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

I recently had the opportunity to attend the funeral of one of my co-worker's fathers. He was a gentle man with a big heart. Though I had never met him, his love and devotion to his family was legendary. When I heard the stories of he and his wife, they were the small and warm gestures that any woman hopes for in her later years. Hand-holding, slow walks, and daily rituals marked the memories of his loved ones. He raised 12 children including a lovely woman with Down Syndrome.

However, all of these things could not get me beyond my fear of funerals. I know that death is a part of life and I believe in heaven, but something about funeral masses that seems so final. I know it is supposed to be a ritual release and celebration, but it seems so sad and the black seems anything but celebratory.

Kevin says that it is one of the greatest signs of respect and care for a person and their family. No amount of my believing this could get me out of my office chair that day. I regret it. I really do, but I just don't know if I would do it any differently if presented with the opportunity again.

I don't have an answer. God and I have to work on this one. In the meantime, I cooked a big meal and left it in the freezer for my co-worker's family.

Notes for future reference: No black at my funeral and no sappy "go with God" music. I want praise and worship and guitars...yes, guitars.

2011-11-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

My little man is 3 today. Time for the annual post!

Lover of all things branded...Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder, Cars, Angry Birds (yes, thanks Daddy), Spiderman, and Curious George.

Boy for all feelings...happy, sad, mad, concerned, loving, angry, anxious (oh, so anxious), excited, and jealous.

The little boy who can make any toy fit the purpose. The little people ambulance becomes the Mac Hauler from Cars and the nightlight (yes, removed from the wall) is Guido from Cars. The photo above is of him "tractor tipping".

This year was the one of the Tag Reader which was easily confused in a 2-year-old brain with a basal thermometer. It was the year of bikes, sandboxes, and helping daddy dig in the dirt. This year marked his first plane ride, his first batch of sugar cookies, and his first video game (Angry Birds).

He talks from waking to sleeping and I swear he uses some of my daily ration of words.

John Ross, may you never stop asking questions. May your love of all things action-packed sustain your imagination and may your sweet sleep keep your heart and mind well-grounded in your dreams.

Happy Birthday sweet boy. Mama loves you.

From Gratitude to Generosity

2011-11-25T17:28:00.000-08:00

Now would seem like the most appropriate holiday to show you my completed art project. This is the wall in our dining room. Our family tree. Finally, this room is beginng to become uniquely ours as in our last.

I'm grateful for the each breath I take and the gift of each day I wake. I'm grateful for my husband who has become my second breath. I could not exist as the woman I am today without him. I'm grateful for my intelligent and energetic children who daily amaze and inspire me. I'm grateful for my sisters who will always know me better than anyone else (and for those women who've become like sisters to me and will spend the rest of their lives getting to know me despite myself). I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for a warm home and the great joy of cooking tasty food. I'm grateful to live in a free country where I can work, live, and play for the benefit of my family.

But gratitude is not enough. These amazing gifts require more from me. Not only am I to accept them grateful, but I must nurture them warmly and responsibly, I must share them with love, charity, and justice, and I must seek to return them to God abundantly.

"What return shall I make for all the good the LORD has done for me?" Psalm 116:12

Questions Before 30: To Conceive or Not to Conceive?

2011-11-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

Time for a new series. I will call it, "30 Questions Before 30". There are just somethings that one feels compelled to ask as they approach that middle-aged number and I think it is time to start asking them out loud.

Question 1:
To conceive or not to conceive - did I make the right choice to have my babies so young? Should I have seen the world and enjoyed my 20s with the rest of my peers before diving headlong into the first 18 years of parenthood?

Always in luck, today's answer came before the question. Here's a fascinating article for women who want to be mothers - don't wait to read it until you're "ready". While you may think that science is more on your side than the Church, it may not be...

Fertility math? Most women flunk, survey finds

A Miracle in Our Midst

2011-11-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow my family and their stories of foster care, check out this blog. It is the blog of the beautiful, holy people who adopted our precious little Luke. They arrived to pick up Luke this weekend and the video of their first meeting is posted a little ways down the page. Grab the tissues as we are truly witnessing a miracle in our midst.

http://aconcretewayoflove.wordpress.com/

Please keep Luke and his new family in your prayers as well as my family as they say goodbye.

October 2011 Daybook

2011-10-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Outside My Window ...
The parish courtyard and picnic table. My new office offers a much larger, quieter, and more picturesque view. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in our life recently, but am content with where things are now. It's a bit gray and breezy, but fall is in the air. I can smell it and it stirs my soul in a powerful way.

***

I am listening to...
Well, I'm not listening to it at the very moment, but I am reflecting on the fact that all of the songs played on our local country station this morning seemed just perfectly suited to my state in life today. From married life, to college memories, to my favorite "Good Morning Beautiful" song I just felt like God was blessing me in the words.

***

To Live the Liturgy…
I took a sabbath for myself recently. I have not been away by myself since John Ross was about 6 months old for anything other than work. I went a few hours north of home and spent the weekend resting my soul and getting right with God. On Sunday I took my coffee out into the wind and spent my morning cup with God. The gusty lake wind blew through my hair and the sun came up on my back. The sound of the waves just rushed over my battered soul and the smell of the water intoxicated me. I came home feeling clean, calm, and clear. It very much reminded me of how I feel after confession, but in a very tangible way.

***

To be Fit and Happy…
I had my annual appointment a few months ago and was told that even after 6 weeks of caffeine withdrawals I could continue to feel fatigued for another 6 weeks. I'm so glad I made the choice to wean myself off all but my morning cup of coffee, but it's been rough with the transitions that have been going on in my life and in my routine.

***

I am thankful for ...
My husband who has been so helpful and supportive as we've been making these transitions in our routine. Besides the HUGE basement finishing project, he hasn't complained about my working nights or my unusually quiet nature. He's been thoughtful and considerate. In fact, we have gotten up early the past two mornings for breakfast and coffee together.

***

From the kitchen ...
Swedish meatballs. Fall is here and with it comes some of our favorite recipes. The hearty produce that comes at the end of the season, plus the need to keep a little warm from the inside out lends itself perfectly to an aromatic kitchen and a freezer full of soup! I often make my own meatballs, but I have found that Alton Brown's sauce recipe is a most appropriate match for store bought meatballs on a work night. Pour them over a bed of egg noodles and cut up a few local apricots and dinner is served!

***

I am creating ...
I am not creating anything in particular. I am always knitting something and I am contemplating some really cute fleece robes for my sisters, but until recently I haven't had much time to consider what I am creating, I just create it. If anything, I am trying to create peace in my heart and in my household, which is quite a challenge in an of itself.

***

I am reading…
I've got a couple of interesting biographies and non-fiction pieces about cultures and upbringings. I am really trying to define for myself the definition and type of "culture" I wish to raise my children in and I am finding so much joy in the beauty of traditions. I really do believe that it is important to make a specific decision about the environment in which you wish to raise your children or today's society will just sweep you away.

***

Towards a real education ...
Hate this one every time...no good answer. No direction right now. The farthest I've gotten is Prairie Home Companion tonight...if anything, it is good for at least a bit of the comfort of my childhood.

***

Bringing beauty to my home ...
I'm working on a wall mural for my dining room. I really want to visually play off of the scripture about the wife being a fruitful vine in her home and the children being like olive plants on the table. I am working on a large olive tree that incorporates all of our family photos. I still have to put leaves on the highest branches and add the colorful little olives, but I am quite pleased.

***

I am hoping and praying…
That I can maintain my sense of calm even when the balance is off a bit. I know this fall is going to be full and busy and stressful, but I want to maintain Christ's peace. My sense of anxiety typically rises, I've found, from my belief that I am supposed to feel anxious about something instead of actually feeling that way. I'm trying to shut out some of those imposed constructs and instead focus on discernment between God and I. Not having a whole lot of luck on this one, so I ask prayers.

***

Around the house ...
It is really starting to feel like our home. We've mounted our pot rack and replaced some lights. The fact that the laundry is all put away for the first time in a month and tomorrow's forecast is for rain means a warm, slow, dare I say perfect, Sunday before a really busy week. Good, but busy.

***

One of my favorite things...
I have been wearing my keys on the same green Cabella's cotton lanyard for almost 4 years. With kids and a forgetful mama brain, it is really the only way to carry and keep track of keys. The lanyard recently snapped and I tied it back together. While on my sabbath weekend I found the most lovely silver chain from Brighton that is designed as a ID tag holder, but is also perfect for my keys. It was definitely more than my last lanyard because the last one came wrapped around a t-shirt and hat promotion, but if it last as long or longer than the previous one, it will be well worth it!

***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
My sister and brother-in-law are making a mid-week trip to town. We are going to trick-or-treat with the kids in our new neighborhood for the first time, take a day off mid-week to visit Lambeau, do some vintage shopping, and just enjoy their visit. I am so blessed with my very close family and always look forward to whatever time we have together.

***

In Pictures...

Pro-life in a Foster Family

2011-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am a foster sister and although I've mentioned it here from time to time, I offered a more thoughtful pro-life perspective on my journey over here. Please enjoy.

Kids at Mass - Part 2

2011-10-07T06:30:00.000-07:00

I have a great follow up to the post that I wrote about a month ago about kids at Mass.

We were asked to be the Godparents to a wonderful little gal who has a special place in my heart. We celebrated the baptism recently and we were so blessed to be with her family that day. However, when we walked into church the community may not have felt so initially blessed to have us.

Picture this...big echoing church, 7 children ages 3 and under, 8:30 Mass...Suffice it to say, our families hair color did not match the majority of those in the congregation for this Mass.

As parents, we were sweating it. I was just praying that mine didn't decide the throw her head back in protest in the middle of the baptism and konk her head on the font...I do believe a comment was made in jest about repeating the other kiddos baptisms (which isn't canonically sound, by the way, once you're baptized, that's it!) or perhaps considering an exorcism!

There were a few outbursts and a few anxious moments, but overall the kids did beautifully! After a particularly long Mass (1.5) hours we didn't have anyone giving us the stink eye and we had a new member of the Church!!!

After Mass we were taking pictures. After all, how often are our two families actually dressed to the nines with our hair done??? As we were heading down the aisle with the priest to take our photos we were both commenting on how well the kids did and the priest looked at us and said,

"Your kids did wonderfully. Kids are our future. We cannot be a pro-life church and complain about how much noise they make or how they need to be breastfed at Mass. We can't speak out both sides of our mouth. As for me, I can always talk louder than they can. And that's the end of my sermon." And he said it all with a big smile.

Wow...what an affirmation. For a couple of families that regularly struggle with our beautiful children in Mass there couldn't have possibly been a more powerful statement made.

Frankly, I'd considered driving 45 minutes each weekend to be a part of that priest's congregation.

The Potter Dilemna

2011-09-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Check out this post from Catholic Mother's Online all about the Harry Potter series. While I've been wanting to post one of my own, I just don't think I could say it any better than this lovely lady!

Step it UP!

2011-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

Our lives are very full, aren't they?

I love my job, but I hate the stress. Being of a generation that is known for their lack of commitment, it is hard to stay committed to the work that I do. However, I had parents that instilled in me a work ethic and a perserverance that is unique to my generation.

God did not make us for work, but God did make work for us. Work is an activity meant to fulfill the human need for productivity. Work is meant to feed the human soul and it comes in many forms.

Everything you do may not be your passion or utmost interest. Everything you do may not be life-giving. I have some news for my generation: LIFE IS NOT PERFECT. But we all must get through. We all must provide for ourselves. We are called to use our giftedness (not just our passions) to care for our families and our world regardless of how wonderful it makes us feel. Your gift may be for multi-tasking which you love to apply in your passion for cooking, but if you can't find a job as a chef, you can most certainly still use your giftedness as an administrative assistant.

Waiting for perfection is not an excuse for laziness and it gives our generation a really bad reputation. Find a way to use your gifts. Find a way to better yourself and your community. Make a commitment and stick to it. Follow through. It is through hard work, follow-through and accountability that most successful people make their way to a vocation that they love. And for those of you who fall back-end into your dream job, earn it - don't just take it for granted.

And even then, even the most perfect vocation will always require sacrifice.

My Love of Farm Eggs

2011-09-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have fallen in love with farm eggs.

I have been assured that a photo of chicks is not sadistic when discussion the consumption of eggs because these chicks are not the ones sacrificed for the sake of my eggs, but instead will grow up to lay my beautiful wonderful eggs.

The sweet, variously shaped, beautifully brown, and curiously rich product of local hens.

I keep a dozen in my fridge along side my cheap, white, mass-produced variety.

You may ask: why use more than one kind?

Well, here's the thing. I have a family and I do a lot of cooking. The concept of two kinds of eggs runs along the same lines as the whole CSA and Sams Club membership paradox. A lot of my baking recipes call for eggs as one of many ingredients which makes the recipe a perfect candidate for inexpensive eggs. However, I have come to LOVE homemade carbonara where egg is pretty much the prima donna of the dish. That would be a recipe that seductively beckons for the rich subtlty of a fresh farm egg.

God has given us so many wonderful gifts in our world from the simplicity of a laying hen to the technological complexity of mass agriculture. Each has it's place and supports a delicate web of beneficiaries, just as each type of egg can have a place in my kitchen repetoire.

While we're on the subject, anyone want to teach me how to poach the perfect egg? I'm feeling a round of perfectly pink steak and eggs...

Praise the Lord that Singing is Like Praying Twice!

2011-09-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

We had company a few weekends ago. My best friend and college roommate came for a quick visit to see us, although I do suspect that her adorable Godson was more of the motivation. We shopped, we ate, we relaxed on the back deck.

Before bed on Saturday night I said to my dear friend (who happens to be the daughter of a United Methodist minister and of the denomination herself), “Say Jess, would you be willing to watch the kiddos tomorrow morning so Kevin and I can go to Mass without them?”

I am not one that believes in not bringing your children to church when they are young, but quite frankly it is virtually impossible to establish any focus with our two monkeys climbing all over us.

Well, being that she has spent nearly as much time learning the Catholic tradition as the Methodist due to the nature of her schooling and is in a searching state at the moment, attending various churches and denominations, she replied, “No, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d really like to go. I can help with the kids.”

Ha.
LOL.

The only good things about that Sunday Mass were the facts that we arrived on time and the church didn’t have air conditioning. Arriving on time allowed us to sit in front so that the only poor soul watching our children was the priest and the fans, which lack any effective cooling properties did effectively drown out most of our children’s chatter, whining, and admirable attempts at singing. We only had one removal and one sickening thud of head against pew.

As I dripped sweat and seethed over the dirty looks the priest had given us (didn’t Jesus say “Let the children come!” – and I bet those kids weren’t exactly quiet either!!!), and my blood pressure sky-rocketed. We hadn’t even peeled our thighs off the pew after the closing him when my dear friend turned to all of us and said, “Next time, I’ll keep the kids.”

While that statement alone is enough of a punch line, I’m working hard at looking for the bright side. Perhaps God is in fact SO GOOD that my song (the only thing I can do wholeheartedly at Mass anymore) counts as praying twice!

UPDATE: We've been having a debate over here at the parish office about appropriate behavior/parenting at Mass. We had an older parishioner scold a young mom for letting her little one pace the pew. This is not a new mom, but one with some seasoning. What are your thoughts? Leave me a note. Is welcoming children a matter of hospitality or is it inhospitable to the others around them? I'll weigh in with our opinion shortly...:)

Why I Envy Runners

2011-08-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Let me clear something up. My title may have implied that I have a desire to run. I do not, have not, and will never have a desire to put on short shorts, a tight top and a pair of expensive running shoes. Running shoes in my world are best for long days at the office followed by a teaching night on my feet. They are light and they breathe. Beyond that, they serve no purpose in my life.

That being said, my best friend from high school is a runner. She loves to run and becomes distraught when time or injury prevents her from doing so. I’ve been keeping up with her over at her blog and I can honestly say that the other day I envied her passion for self-mutilation.

As I read her post I couldn’t help but envy the fact that her hobby, her passion, is something that allows her such an amazing stress relief. As I read her post I could feel how the pressure just melted away and I wished I had something in my life that gave me that physical and emotional fulfillment.

I actually packed my running shoes, shorts and a t-shirt into my work bag for the next day. Sadly, they are still sitting in my work closet mocking me because, oh yeah, I hate running.

It is what it is. I will never be a runner, but I love to walk and it is almost fall in Wisconsin. There is nothing more wonderful than an after dinner walk on a cool fall night in Wisconsin. I guess it is more about making it a priority (there’s that word again), than it is about what you do. My friend runs because it is a priority. It is something she MUST do and just does. It is a very part of her and as such is so healthy for her.

One thing I can do that most runners do is cook. This particular recipe came upon recommendation from my dear runner friend and it is AMAZING. Don’t be fooled. It is the easiest and most perfect end of summer recipe full of wonderful fresh produce and herbs. A quick stop at the farmers market and about an hour and you’ll have yourself a beautiful corn and tomato pie. (I have just revealed to you my newest obsession the Smitten Kitchen blog – why couldn’t you have come into my life at the beginning of my relaxing summer instead of the end??? Oh, and someday I have to tell you all about my homemade ricotta experiment…my heavens, it was as smooth as my baby girl’s cheek!!!)

The defininition of insane...

2011-08-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

…is doing something more than once and expecting a different result the second time.

So why is it that my 18 month old daughter continues to open the drawer in the coffee table and then slam her fingers in it?

Oh yeah, she’s 18 months. And a girl. And my daughter.

Three strikes and this little girl is out her independent own!

John Ross was such a mellow little guy compared to this one. She screams, growls, and pushes. She’s either all in or all out. Even at 18 months she’s yelling at the kitty and demanding her birth-right time with her daddy. She throws diapers and calls them footballs.

And yet…she is sweet, loving and completely obsessed with shoes!!!! Anything that shimmers or shines is “pittee” and her eyes are the dictionary definition of sparkling.

I can’t wait to see how the Lord uses this one. I harbor some early fears that being this perfect storm of her papa and me, she will actually try to accomplish some of the daring things I only dreamed of in my younger years.

More on that later…intervention is necessary in a train track bludgeoning…and the antagonizing suspect is not male!

Forever a Bridesmaid

2011-08-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

I recently came across some photos that my sister had given me from her wedding last year. There were photos of she and her hubby and photos of the wedding party, but there was also a photo of myself waiting to walk down the aisle as one of her bridesmaids.

At the time I had just stopped nursing Clara and was feeling a little down on myself. I was back to work, over my ideal post-baby weight, and I had just cut my hair because a lot of it was falling out post-partum.

Yet, I remembered a comment my sister had made when she first gave me the photos. She said, "Look at these photos of you girls walking down the aisle. In the pictures of you and Jenny (her sister-in-law) you can clearly tell that you are looking at your husbands."

I remember that moment. I looked down the aisle and finding the gaze of my husband at the altar. It was a very sacramental moment for me as I recalled my own journey down the aisle and all the things we had already been through. My heart filled with love and peace and my eyes welled up with happy tears. Walking down the aisle became a testament to the power of a God-filled marriage. We were "leading the way" for my beautiful sister and her husband. I was truly to be a handmaid, serving her by example and presence.

In a world where weddings have become a greater focus than the marriage this comment really made me reflect on the role of the bridesmaid. Sometimes it seems as though a wedding and a bridal party is all about an opportunity for adult dress-up. Yet, the beautiful ritual that is the Sacrament of Marriage prevents us from becoming too caught up in it. We are reminded that the old traditions of the bridesmaids, dressing, carrying, and leading, are not just folly. We stand as witness to the marriage, but more importantly as servants and guides.

My wedding day was one of the most powerful and sacramental days of my life. Moreover, standing up in my sister's wedding with my husband was one of the most powerful renewals of our vows and our vocation that I have experienced to this point. I am reminded that marriage is a journey and it is a journey that we do not take alone. We travel with God, our three in One. With God we co-create, we sanctify, and we serve our marriage and our world and while we do that we lead the way for other holy men and women who are watching our example.

All that from a wedding photo and a 20 minute drive to work...

My Little Red Blessings

2011-07-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Moving was stressful. I somehow got it into my head that after an 18 month selling/buying process that once we signed the papers it would all be over. I saw our closing date as a finish line. OOPS!

The transition to our new home, while wonderful, has been quite challenging. Daylight savings had our children rising at ridiculously early hours of the morning and constant pleas to "go home" kept them from wanting to sleep at night. We invested in a color-changing clock (to indicate time to get up) and room darkening blinds and that seemed to remedy the waking times, but we still heard a lot of "go home".

On our way to church one morning as we sat on the exit ramp which also leads to our old home we heard John Ross whiny quietly in the back seat, "home, Scoopy's home, go home" while pointing out his window. It nearly broke us...

We've continued to work hard to explain old home and new home and discuss the benefits of our new home. The kids love to be outside all the time and now have a place to ride their bikes. They both have their own rooms were they can play toys and store their stuff. We are a short walk from the shoreline of Green Bay and have a much bigger, less stressful kitchen/dining area. They regularly voice their joy in these new things so I know that it is just going to take time.

Amidst all of the stress and transition there have been a few affirming moments that have reminded us that this was GOD'S plan even if we are still working through the human struggles. From the beautiful bay breezes to the wonderful neighbors we know that this is where God meant for us to be.

The most recent example of this was a little surprise that we discovered in our back rock garden. While trimming, Kevin thought he recognized strawberry plants. Yes, even after Kevin hacked half of the patch back (not realizing what they were at first) we had at least 5 pints of little red strawberries! What a treat to take the kids out and let them discover all the beautiful little red surprises in the patch! Except for one batch of strawberry shortcake, we ate them right out of the garden and indulged gratefully in our little red berries. In fact, my sweet little Clara has added the word "berries" to her vocabulary just to celebrate!

I've always wanted fruit plants and trees, but we've never had the space or the sun. What a gift to this black thumb to find thriving, sweet produce ready for the picking!!! These little sweet packages have done worlds of good for my tired soul and aching body. Who would have thought that such a small little thing would bring such joy and peace?

And, as an added bonus, they've gotten me out to care for the garden. My husband has finally realized (or accepted) that the best way to motivate or satisfy me is by attaching a food experience! To quote him, "If I'd have known that all I had to do to get you out to the garden was plant a few strawberries, I would have done it years ago!"

The Tale of My Wedding Dress

2011-07-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

I recently read a beautiful tale of two wedding dresses over at Falling Upward blog and it got me to thinking about my own wedding dress. I thought I'd share.

Kevin proposed to me 3 weeks before I was laid off. If we hadn't been engaged our story may have been very different. I was alone in Green Bay with 18 months of work experience in a field I had no education in and I was locked into an apartment lease. My unemployment payments barely covered my rent and my meager savings would only have lasted a few months. If it hadn't been for our engagement, I very well may have moved back to Ohio where my parents were living at the time.

Instead, unemployed and engaged in a strange city, Kevin paid my other bills while we looked for another job. I was laid off right before the economy turned and so the market was already beginning to slow. I spent the entire 7 months we were engaged looking for jobs and doing decorating projects on Kevin's house. Two months before our wedding my landlord was able to lease my apartment to someone new and I moved into the upstairs bedroom at Kevin's house. While you most certainly can insert judgements here, it was the reality of our situation and I don't believe in making up stories to keep people reading.

Suffice it to say, our engagement was a joyfully cautious time. Without a job it was hard to make decisions about a wedding that would cost money. We kept things very simple. Our guest list was 40 people and we hosted a dinner at a local restaurant. Because it was so small, there was some frustration and hurt from others who assumed they would be guests. So, instead of being happy for us many of our family members voiced upset and anger.

When it came to the dress, while I wanted to look beautiful on my wedding day it didn't really seem to matter at the time. My mom was in a place in her life and my sisters were at an age that they were not able to come and be with me as I made the decision on a dress. I set a very modest budget and knew that I couldn't EVER justify spending more on a dress that I would wear for a few hours. My future sister-in-law and niece went with me to try on dresses. That in itself is slightly amusing because my sister-in-law is pretty far from a girly-girl.

I tried on several that I thought I would like and didn't and finally settle on a simple, no train, strapless beaded gown with a sweetheart neckline. I would have prefered to wear something with straps for Mass, my budget didn't really gift me that option in a style that otherwise flattered me. I didn't have it lengthened because I wore flats and I didn't want a veil. I bought a corset and jewelry and made my clutch to match. Since dinner was scheduled for before the ceremony I also made an ivory cocktail dress to wear for dinner.

By the time the wedding day arrived I had gained a few stress pounds and was grateful for the corset and the relief of an a-line gown. We were running late and I dove into my gown and slapped on some fresh lipstick about 10 minutes before Mass.

I didn't feel stunning or show-stopping. I don't even feel like it was the most beautiful day of my life.

Against my dad's recommendation, I didn't carry flowers. He was worried about my hands shaking from nerves and needing something to hold onto.

But in the end, the second I took my dad's arm and look down the aisle at my future I felt loved. Knowing that we had already thrived despite one of the hardest experiences in life gave me a sense of confidence and security that overcame all of my superficial insecurities about my appearance.

As I took that first step all of the worldly things that tradionally mattered didn't any more. I was beautiful and I was loved. I was marrying a man that was going to stand by me and love me no matter what I was wearing or how pretty my hair looked. I was marrying a man whose only care was to see me wear a smile.

Today my dress hangs in my closet. I have every intention of wearing it again. I am currently on the hunt for a seamstress that will convert my simple a-line gown into a cocktail dress for our 5th anniversary. I plan to hold onto the extra fabric to incorporate into my children's wedding garments. At the time the dress didn't really matter, but today it is symbol of our fidelity, our perserverance, and the simple beauty of our love. It is a symbol and dare I say a"sacramentary" to be passed on to future generations in love and fidelity.

An Explanation of Grace

2011-06-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

I recently had grace explained to me in a very beautiful way and I wanted to share.

God is perfect. God is like the highest rung of a ladder.

We spend our entire lives practicing perfection and trying to be Christ-like. We reach the first rung, the secong rung, and maybe the third rung. Sometimes we go down a rung.

Grace is the space between the rungs that God takes care of by reaching down and taking our hand. Grace is when we do our best and God makes up the difference.

Daybook June 2011

2011-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Outside My Window ...
A bit of a dreary day. Good for this mama since my kiddos are not begging to go outside I can get some more work done unpacking and nesting in our new home!

***

I am listening to...
Screetches! To be more exact, little girl screetches. Clara's lunch is kicking in and she is a very happy, very loud little girl! She's actually trying to stand on an end table...

***

To Live the Liturgy…
I just got a new book series from 23rd Publications about Fergie the Frog. It is a series that focuses on Fergie's experiences and the leasons he learns. At the end of each book is a little connection to faith practice. We're enjoying each new story over here especially with a 2.5 year old!

***

To be Fit and Happy…
Today not so much, but the new house has given us so much more space and time to spend outdoors. I don't have to worry about the kids so they can go out on bikes in the front. It is a lot easier to walk around here too and I can't wait to get my rollerblades out and start whipping this body back into shape!

***

I am thankful for ...
A general sense of calm around here. We have a beautiful new home, it's summertime, and work is in planning mode. It makes for a happy mama!

***

From the kitchen ...
Real meals!!! That was the hardest part of moving. Family meals are SO important to us and during the move we ate a lot of convenience food and fast food. It is so nice to smell a roast in the crockpot and spiced chocolate pecan bars in the oven!!! This is my home!!!

***

I am creating ...
I am repurposing a 50-year-old vanity that I inherited. It belonged to my great-grandmother. At one point many years ago it had a beautiful beveled mirror in it, but that has long since shattered and been replaced with a flat mirror. In the old house the mirror portion of the vanity was in storage over our wings because we didn't have the vertical space for it, but I needed the vanity portion. In my new office I still needed the vanity, but now have the vertical space for the mirror portion. Yet I found myself not wanting to gaze at myself while I worked so I am padding the back and covering it with a pretty upholstery fabric and some ribbons and buttons for a french photoboard look. I hope it will be a good place to keep notes about my various ongoing projects!Pictures when I have some...

***

I am reading…
I finished A Year in the Life of Food and LOVED every moment of it! Now I am working on the book Fall On Your Knees. Although I do not find that it has a great deal of depth, the plot moves and the writing style is quite unique. I am finding that the pages go by quickly.

***

Towards a real education ...
I am considering taking some steps toward my masters degree. I hestitate because my children are only young once, but a slow start might be good. I am also trying to learn a lot more about produce gardening and whole foods to better feed my family.

***

Bringing beauty to my home ...
While not everything is packed up and put away yet we are going to try to get some art on the walls this weekend! We need to get rid of some of the echoes and start making it seem like OUR home again.

***

I am hoping and praying…
That our contractor is going to be able to help us make some prudent choices about finishing our basement. We don't know exactly what we want to do with it and we need some guidance.

***

Around the house ...
It is so much easier to keep this house clean it seems! It is easier to put things away and keep it tidy, which leaves a lot more time to sit on the porch and watch the sun set.

***

One of my favorite things...
My new stovetop which can boil water SO quickly! It's not convection, but compared to our old stove (40+ years) it goes so quickly! I am also in love with my full size dishwasher, which I only have to run every 2-3 days!!!! I could wash dishes for an army!

***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
A weekend with my family. Shopping, eating, recreating. Hopefully the weather will clean up it's act a bit so we can get outside and maybe have a picnic. I am also hoping to get the rest of my office and craft room unpacked and squared away.

***

In pictures...
Two of my favorite features of our new home - our fireplace and our back deck!

I'm Back! And Still Unpacking...

2011-06-06T07:38:00.001-07:00

I know it has been a month since my last post. As many good intentions as I had about writing and scheduling posts to appear during our moving month they went out the window as I taped the first box...more on that and SO much more later, but for now here is a link to my most recent post over at Catholic Mothers Online about being a working mama!

My Scoop on Working Mamas

Though our basement still currently looks like a pawn shop watch for some great new posts this week! I just can't keep my fingers still any longer no matter how hard my internet service provider tries to thwart my efforts!

27 Reasons...I Love Him Too

2011-05-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

For our 4th anniversary my hubby created a lovely letter with the 27 reasons he loves me (we were married on the 27th of April). While I would love to share those reasons with you because they were truly blessed there are boundaries about what I share online and love letters are not within them. That being said, I felt called to share with all my readers the 27 reasons I love HIM.

1. I can't remember my life before we were one.
2. I can't imagine any more beautiful children.
3. The way we feast upon our experiences, whatever they are.
4. Road trips.
5. You have kept cleaning the litter box even though I am not pregnant.
6. "We don't pull the kitties' tails. God gave us kitties to take care of."
7. You have taught me about discipline and joyful housework.
8. You make coffee for each morning.
9. Schweetie french toast.
10. The best steak dinners by candlelight.
11. K2 wings and cajun fries and Sgambati's pizza.
12. Rabbits!
13. Our bedtime prayers.
14. Squishes!
15. Your support of my career and my passions.
16. Your patience with my redecorating bugs...
17. Having someone who appreciates my cooking even when it undermines your weight-maintenance efforts.
18. Caribou Coffee pit stops!
19. Family date nights.
20. Ghosts and Goblins.
21. All the things you teach me about the world.
22. Conversations about philosophy and theology (even when we don't agree).
23. Travelling the world and dreaming of travelling with the kiddos.
24. Saturday morning market days.
25. Juicy Lucies at Groveland Tap.
26. Snuggly snow days and schweetie naps.
27. Knowing that we are committed to being together for more years of our life than we were apart.

This man is my life. My heart is his heart. We rely fully and completely on each other. While that may not be okay by the world's standards, I don't so much mind being set apart. It means that we are seeking to live a holy and God-filled life.

The Last Bottle...

2011-05-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

Clara will drink her final bottle at lunch today while I am at the office. It is a very bittersweet moment for this mama.

As a pro-life Catholic family we are regularly discerning our family size. With two children 2 and under we are at a place in our co-creation where we believe that God agrees that we need, at least, a break.

Clara is 1 and my cycles have just returned to normal (telling me that physically my body is just now ready to consider the option again) and I am still 15 pounds from my healthy weight. It is important to us that I always start another pregnancy from a healthy physical place since carrying another life for 10 months takes a toll on even the healthiest body.

Moreover, I believe that my vocation in life is three-fold. My vocations are as a wife, a mother and a lay minister to the church. I have just taken on the role of lifelong learning coordinator at my parish which will see my hours increasing in service to our faith community. While this does not come before my call to family life, it is definitely a part of who God calls me to be. I need to spend some time answering that part of my call as we discern when and if God, Kevin and I are called to adding another life to our family.

I often wonder if I/we are open enough to life. Just using NFP as a family planning method doesn't make a family open to life because NFP can be used with as much contraceptive mentality as artificial contraceptive methods. While we know that we would always lovingly accept a new life, planned or otherwise, it does not excuse us from evaluating our perspective and use of NFP. We must pray and discern regularly and consistently about how we are supporting and accepting life in our marriage. This includes considerations like new life, quality life, support of our extended families, and participation in our community.

How does this all connect to "the last bottle"? Well, my deep sadness over my sweet little girl's last bottle tells me that I am in fact still open to life. If I found myself celebrating and rejoicing that I would never have to make or wash another bottle I would have to really examine my feelings about adding life to our family. It is in my melancholy that I find God's affirmation and in that I take great comfort.

My Baby Bear Turns One

2011-04-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

My sweet little Clara Ann turned one on Monday. Sadly, the last weeks have been so busy that I am quite delayed on her birthday post. Delayed but not forgotten.

Clara got a double dose of fire in her personality. Compared to my even-tempered little man, Clara has no patience, no tolerance, and a stubborn streak that could get her an oceanside view in Arizona.

She is not the marathon sleeper that her brother was and spent many a night bonding with daddy well into the second half of her first year. Though she resists sleep, she needs it and is so much more pleasant when she wakes up from a good rest.

She only has 4 teeth: the two bottoms ons and her fangs. She really looks like a tiny little vampire.

She talked a lot sooner than John Ross. She has a very raspy, deep little voice which usually cracks people up when they first hear it. While she spent the first many months growling, her first word was "gentle" which comes out sounding like "GEN-toe". It is quite amusing when she actually growls the word. While we were in FL this spring, her auntie bumped her head on the stroller while putting her in and she softly whined "GEN-tooooeee". Her second word was "touchdown" which everyone worked very hard on prior to the Superbowl seeing that she was born in Green Bay.

She is a SUPER-eater! She does not gag on her food or resist anything we give her which makes her a joy compared to her brother at that age. She loves bananas and graham crackers and is learning to use a spoon. Unfortunately, right now that means using her fingers to eat things off the spoon, but every painter starts by fingerpainting, right?

She inherited mommy's chin and thunder-thighs. She hates wearing dresses because she can't power-crawl in them and she doesn't look good in pastels. She is bright and bold and a ball of love. Her best feature is her dusky blue eyes and pink little lips and they are best when her cheeks are rosy and she's giving kisses. I love every padded, pudgy inch of her.

We've called her Scrappy from the time she was in the womb, but she also goes by Beara, Clarie, Clarita, Scappa, and Clara-bear.

She is my snuggler and the best birthday gift she gave her mama was an hour of snuggling in the baby wrapper at Easter Sunday Mass. She lays in my arms and gazes up at me lovingly no matter what her size. Her sweet little wistful smile always leaves me wondering who this beautiful little girl is going to be.

She will take her first steps this week and who knows where those little feet and fiery personality will take her. All I know for certain is that God has BIG plans for my LITTLE bear and I pray that God shows me exactly what maps she needs!

A Home for Nuthatches

2011-04-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my dining room this morning working on an assortment of tasks from bills to parishioner welcome cards. One of my sitters likes to pull back the sheer curtain on our front window so that the kids can watch the cars while they eat lunch. Yesterday she didn't put it back and so I'm looking out onto our front yard and the busy street.

A couple of years ago, Kevin decided to overhaul the landscaping in our front yard. His dad is in the landscaping business and has a large nursery of various plants not too far from here. During this particular project, Kevin decided to transplant a less-then-thriving weeping mulberry that he had rescued from his grandmother's home before they sold it. It has since taken root and thrived in our front yard.

It is a small but beautifully melancholy tree. Most people wouldn't give it a second thought and we both fear as we try to sell our house that the new owners won't appreciate it's history. It really wouldn't survive another transplant and so we must reluctantly leave it behind.

As I looked out at our mulberry today I spotted two new residents: a pair of nuthatches. As they bopped and hopped their way around the small tree I felt a deep sense of sadness that they were moving in just as we are (hopefully) moving out. I watched them poke their bodies into a knot as they cleaned out a little space of their own.

As I watched them diligently go about their task and heard them peep cheerfully, I realized that God was sending me a sign. No matter where we go and when we get there, we too will carve out our little space in the world. We too will create a safe and soft place for our family to grow. And while we may not be able to take it with us, our mulberry tree (and its residents) are part of our legacy of love at this home. We hope that our love of this place will bless the new residents.

Please keep our family in prayer as we wait for a buyer to secure financing for our home. We are living in limbo since we can't make decisions about a new home until we are certain that someone can buy this one. We ask for patience and peace, but are also so grateful for this experience. It has allowed us to more fully enter into the season of Lent and the waiting for new life at Easter.

Recent Weekly Menu

2011-04-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

John Ross looks so little here! Since they could eat solids my kids have not stopped eating. Meals come every 3-5 hours no matter what other work needs to be done or how long the day has already been. As much as I love fast food, it needs to remain a treat for both our the health of our bodies and the health of our checking account. That takes some planning.

For the busy women out there, here is my weekly menu! Mix, substitute and complement as necessary! Good stewardship of the body is as easy a little bit of whole wheat and a container of fresh spinach!

Monday: Crockpot Beef Roast Over Whole Wheat Egg Noodles

Tuesday: Family Date Night @ Chili's

Wednesday: Crockpot Vegetable Vindaloo Over Brown Rice and Chicken with Naan

Thursday: Sausage Potato Soup (but I leave out the heavy cream and use turkey sausage - swiss chard also works in place of kale), Spinach Salad, and French Bread

Friday: Fish Fry @ Church with My Family

Saturday: Raspberry-Chipotle Shredded Pork Tacos, Black Beans, Tortilla Chips and Salsa

Sunday: Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Meatballs, Spinach Salad and French Bread

My favorite spinach salad right now is fresh spinach, grape tomatoes, and shredded cheese topped with some basil olive oil and freshly cracked pepper! Mangia!

Living Lent Through a Slice of Bread

2011-03-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

Image by premus on Flickr

The next time you pack lunches or make yourself a sandwich snack, I invite you to think about this!

Slice of bread - Just as you eat a piece of a loaf of bread, you are a piece of the Body of Christ and the Resurrection community. May we live a welcoming life that leaves none lonely or hungry.

Knife - The Christian life is not always easy. Lent is a great time for us to cut away some of our bad habits by way of prayer, fasting and sharing of resources. May this trimming make more room for God in our hearts.

Spread - There are as many spiritual journeys as there are toppings for bread. We are all called to spread the message of Jesus to those around us and more often than not, we do so by the way that we live.

Beverage - Just as Jesus was anointed with the perfumed oil and then poured himself out for us upon the cross, may we pour ourselves out in service to others, those we love and those we may not even know.

Napkin - We all make mistakes, but Jesus was the first to offer forgiveness to the sinner. May we seek and offer forgiveness regularly and allow God to wipe our hearts clean!

Our Vacation in Photos

2011-03-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

We had a fabulous vacation with my family in Orlando this weekend! I really think we couldn't have spent any more time by the pool or in the sunshine. It was amazing and we are SO grateful to my generous parents for giving us an experience that we will never forget!

John Ross in the Green Bay airport

Clara Ann sporting her new sippy at the airport

John Ross climbing his first palm tree

My little girl is SO big!

My sister and brother-in-law!

Fire dancer at the luau

My brother at the luau...

John Ross loved my sunglasses!

The boys watching cartoons in the family dining room while we ate in peace!

Clara wasn't sure what to do with the sand

John Ross loved the mess!

Fabulous picture of my focused little swimmer!

John Ross never stopped eating and insisted upon eating EVERYONE's food. Here he is sharing with his "Sissy"

The guys in the family spent a lot of time at the Universal theme parks and this was Kevin and my dad hanging out at Hogmeads in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!

Women in the Church

2011-03-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

I was recently asked to reflect on the importance of women's spirituality opportunities from my role as a speaker and facilitor for Catholic women's events. This was the testimony I wrote for a parish facing questions about the importance of their women's events.

As Catholic women, I think we are in a unique time. In society today, more and more women are taking on the role of the spiritual head of household. They are hungry for time in the Red Tent; time with other women, time to grow, and the nourishment to feed their souls. From a Catholic standpoint we’ve spent a lot of time trying “not to loose” our Christian women because we need their service and their gifts instead of trying to inspire and offer opportunities for growth in our uniquely CATHOLIC faith. Many women are finding support in other ways like online communities and evangelical Bible studies. I believe that women who call themselves Catholic deserve more attention than we as a church are currently giving them.

From someone who has seen HUGE response to Catholic women’s programs here in Green Bay, I can say that everything we hear from women is that they need community and formation that comes from the other women in their community. There is no one who understands the experience of a woman better than another woman. In a world where we don’t have our mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts as readily available to teach us about the faith journey of a woman, our parish community has become more important, not less, in our life journey.

When we ask women to evaluate their experiences after an event, most of our women indicate that they are still hungry. They want more. They want opportunities to learn about women in the Bible. They want evenings to gather and discuss relevant books. They want regional pilgrimages, weekend retreats, and mother/daughter opportunities. They also want to see the men in their lives be offered similar experiences. There is no lack of need in the lives of the women I serve, but a lack of supply of Catholic speakers, parishes, and dioceses that are willing and able to provide these experiences.

The women at the Red Tent event at your parish said all that needs to be said about experiences like this. At the beginning of the event each woman shared their unique reason for being there, but all of them indicating a need for growth and understanding. One woman stopped me at the lunch hour and said, “I can’t believe it’s noon already! I thought I was going to go home after lunch and get some of the stuff I thought I “needed” to get done, but I have realized through the morning that this is what I need.” And another said, “It is nice to have someone else tell me that my spiritual life is important and someone who makes time to help me grow.”

For a Church and religion that puts such an emphasis on the role of our mother Mary and relies so heavily on the day-to-day contributions of women we cannot simply leave our unique spirituality and formation to adult formation and catechesis. We need significant experiences of Christ and Christ’s community of women to continue to motivate us and by extension our families to live holy lives.

From a more practical standpoint, while there are certainly women in the local community that could be called upon to offer reflections and retreat days, it is often important to bring in speakers who are from beyond your community. Just like children are more likely to listen to the advice of adults other than their parents so are women who believe that the message being offered them isn’t tempered by the needs of their parish.

Most certainly, speakers cost money. Having spent time talking with other women who speak like I do, we do our best to balance the financial needs and limitations of the communities we serve and our need to help support our families. When you pay a Catholic speaker, you are not simply writing a check to a faceless corporation for a material or service. You are often writing a check to a Catholic family that uses the money to further support the mission of the Church. For my family, the stipend for the presentation I gave this weekend will allow my husband and me to take an extra day off this summer in order to stop and stay a day at a pilgrimage site on our way to a family vacation. It is the first of what we hope will be many trips for our young children that will define the national and international reach of their faith family.

Working for a parish I know as well as anyone the annual back and forth of balancing a budget. I know the cost/benefit analysis that surrounds every good thing that we do. I do encourage you to continue having meaningful conversations about the spiritual growth and priorities of the women in your community. John Paul II called us to a “New Feminism” and there is no better time than now to embrace that call and empower Catholic women in service of the Gospel.

Daybook March 2011

2011-03-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a bit of the winter blues and decided it was time for a daybook entry!
Outside My Window ...
Darkness. I love the feeling and quiet of darkness.

***

I am listening to...
Chatter. All day long I hear chatter even when no one else is talking. It is hard to turn the world off!

***

To Live the Liturgy…
I am yearning for a week of family meals. My work schedule has taken me away from my family table over dinner many nights in the last month and I miss that daily aspect of the liturgy.

***

To be Fit and Happy….
Not enough, but when it gets to that point I fall back on drinking lots of water. It is the least I can do.

***

I am thankful for ...

My supportive and active husband. Without him I couldn't do the things I am gifted to do. Without him, my dreams would remain just that.

***

From the kitchen ...
Not much. We've been eating a lot of soup because it freezes and warms again easily. I'm looking forward to the culinary challenge that is our Lenten practice. Check it out here!

***

I am creating ...
Homemade play food for Clara's birthday. I've got the material for pancakes, waffles, and tacos cut and the base for my chocolate chip cookies painted. I'm also working on pretty little tea biscuits and cherries to go with some wooden tea bags! At the rate I am going, I am just grateful her birthday is at the end of April!
***

I am reading….
Still working on A Year in the Life of Food by Barbara Kingsolver. I get about 5 pages each week...:)

***

Towards a real education ...
This week I am just allowing myself to be educated by daily life.

***

Bringing beauty to my home ...
We have committed as a couple to looking at the next day in a positive light instead of stressful countenances. We are working on smiles and laughter and not so many tears.

***

I am hoping and praying….

That the uncertainties in life settle themselves a bit so we can have a few moments to adjust to our new normal. The warmer weather and sunshine can't hurt the process either...

***

Around the house ...
We are keeping up and I am so grateful for my go-getter baby sitter who sweeps the floors and loads the dishwasher without being asked.

***

One of my favorite things ...
My teacup. 10 minutes for boiling water, 3-5 minutes for steeping and 10 minutes for drinking = 25 minutes for ME!

***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
Working, working, working...even my playtime this week is working! I am going on my 3rd of three dual-purpose weekends of women's ministry and parish ministry. They are wonderful and I am so grateful, but I am looking forward to a weekend to spend with my sweet, small little family.

***

In pictures...

My Most Recent Therapy Session

2011-03-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Now, now, before you skip over this post in fear of some strange Freudian reflection, my therapy happens in my very own kitchen and my therapists include various flours, spices, and chocolates.

Yesterday was my birthday and I worked all morning at the parish. I love my job, but a birthday spent working leaves a bit to be desired. After spending the last 26 days working at the parish or being on the road for speaking engagements, I was ready for a break. I told Kevin that the one thing I really wanted to do today was spend some time in the kitchen.

I have a lot of opportunities in life to be creative, but there is nothing quite like being creative in the kitchen. Chinese healers have long believed that things like bread and noodle-making is the perfect treatment for stress because of the demanding physical manipulation. For me it is the sights, smells and sensations of digging your hands into a good dough that makes all the difference in my mood. I also love the joy that it brings to those who walk through my home or eat my food.

This birthday was a lot about feeding my soul. After an unbelievable meal and bottle of red wine at a local italian restaurant last night (an all-plans-made-surprise from my thoughtful and generous husband) and an afternoon in the kitchen, my soul is warm and satisfied. My muscles are loose, my mouth is watering, and my house smells like my home. It doesn't get much better than this.

Today's recipes included: lemon tiramisu (but I used Lemoncello liquer in place of the hazelnut liquer and substituted blueberries for the chopped hazelnuts), chocolate-chip scones, rum-raisin scones, hot wing dip, chicken and dried beef and raspberry jello salad. (The final two being my favorite meal from my childhood and my birthday meal!) You can find the base scone recipe here and the wing dip and dinner recipes to follow!

Wing Dip
5 oz. Franks Hot Sauce
2 - 8oz packages of cream cheese (softened)
1/2 cup of finely chopped celery
1 cup finely shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup cooked chicken, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix hot sauce and cream cheese together until smooth. Mix in celery, cheese, and chicken and place mixture in oven safe dish. Bake dip in oven for 20-30 minutes and serve warm with crackers, chips or celery.

Chicken and Dried Beef
6-8 Chicken tenders or 3-4 sliced chicken breasts
1 jar of dried beef (found in the canned tuna section)
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup of sour cream
splash of milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Wrap your chicken in the dried beef and place in an oven-safe casserole dish. Mix the soup and sour cream together and add milk until the mixture is a saucy consistency. Pour the sauce over the wrapped chicken. Cook in the oven for 50 minutes until bubbly on top. Serve over cooked white or brown rice.

Raspberry Jello Salad
1 cup boiling hot water
1 small pkg. raspberry jello
1 cup applesauce
1 bag of frozen raspberries

Optional:
1/2 container of cool whip
1/2 cup of sour cream
1/2 cup of mini marshmallows

In a large bowl, pour hot water over the jello powder and stir until jello is completely dissolved. Stir in cup of applesauce and raspberries. Put in refrigerator to set. If using topping, wait until the jello is set. Mix together the ingredients and spread over top of jello.

Deafening but Deepening?

2011-03-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

Our home is far from the center of marital bliss in northeast Wisconsin. The combination of the winter blues, a overscheduled calendar, 2 children under two years of age, a state budget crisis and two stubborn, pigheaded spouses just begs for some kind of chemical explosion. Ours happened on Kevin’s 38th birthday…over a cup of tea.

Actually, it was the spilling of foresaid beverage that prompted the explosion. And it wasn’t so much the spilling, but a disagreement about who was to clean up the carpet.

Who started the fire, or the parameters are not important. Nor is the fact that one of us ended up locked in the bathroom sobbing.

The real issue at hand is that each person has their breaking point. Each person has a moment where the oatmeal hits the floor, the pot boils over, or the diaper breaches. There are just some things in life that are too much. For us, it just happened at the same time.

We had it out, but in our hearts we both just wanted a pass. We both needed someone to step up and give us a break. And neither did.

And our hearts hurt. We hate being mad at each other. We just wanted to make it better, but neither of us was willing to extend the olive branch.

By the time an early bedtime rolled around for the kids, we were both ready to just have the whole thing be over. It was as though we couldn’t get to “I’m sorry” fast enough. We talked, we listened, we cried. We didn’t solve all the problems, but we went to bed committed to being kinder to one another.

And that is the best that we can do some days. We don’t worry that it happens. We’ll worry when we no longer see it as an opportunity to communicate and grow. We’ll worry when the deafening sounds or silence no longer lead to depth.

Super Powers? I Don't Think So...

2011-02-28T12:41:00.000-08:00

"Mom needs her coffee Sis. It's where she gets her powers."

My 5-year-old brother knows how important my mom's coffee is to her in the morning.

My son also understands and pays reverance to the magic, caffinated elixir that is my morning cup of joe. He knows not to touch it, blow on it, or fuss at me before I've poured it. In our marriage, there is never a fight over who makes the coffee because we just have an understanding that it gets made. There are days when I am near certain that the coffee fairy makes it.

My cup is the start to my day and the splash of heavy cream that I add to it is the small mama luxury that gets my day started off right.

No one need elucidate me on coffee's many flaws and disadvantages (nor the cream I put in it). I gave it up in some degree during each of my pregnancies and have sacrificed it during Lent a time or two. Having worked at a coffee shop to put myself through college (both financially and physically) brewed coffee with cream is my stepdown from the harder stuff like flavored lattes (and the daily donut that is now represented around my mid-section).

Someday I'll swear off of my caffinated crutch in favor of my other dear friend decaffinated tea. Someday, when I have a beautiful house overlooking a lake where I can sit and watch the sunrise while waiting for my grown children to call and give me the latest update on the grandchildren...Someday, when all that is on my plate for the day is cooking and reading.

Until then, this is my place in life. A place where the rich smell of roasted beans in my nose instantly clears away the cobwebs clouding my mama brain.

With One Voice...

2011-02-25T16:51:00.000-08:00

We've been having a rough week over here. Politics have not been kind to the hearts of our household this week. It seems that an awareness of our very lives has been sidelined for the sake of an issue.

My heart aches for my hard-working husband who spent years waiting and working for a position in higher education that promised a stability for our family that had eluded him in the private sector. His hard work paid off for one short year until the recent budget crisis has once again placed him smack in the center of cuts, shrinking benefits, and the rumors of layoffs. He's gotten to the point where he seriously believes that perhaps it is him and not the flawed systems.

We've spent a lot of time wondering "why?". Why have the faces of our beautiful children been stripped from this issue? Why have our voices been ignored in favor of faceless "taxpayers" that should, in fact, include us?

We know, fully appreciate and support the need for budget reform. We deal with it on a daily basis in our own household. We are regularly making sacrifices of things that are in concept good, but are beyond our financial ability. We all make sacrifices even though our youngest members don't realize it yet. Shouldn't that be the case in politics? Shouldn't we all share equally in at least a portion of the sacrifice? We'll give what we need to under the circumstances, but don't strip us of our voice and our ability to gain back that which we have sacrificed when the tables turn for the better.

Ultimately, as we've cried and prayed over our situation this week, there is only one thing that is clear. We cannot rely on any force, organization, or leadership on this earth to provide for us. God is the only being in which we can place our trust.

Moreover, everything we have, big or small, is simply a gift entrusted to our care for a short time while on this earth. Even our paychecks, the things with our name on them, do not belong to us. The money in our checks is a gift from God for which we are called to be caretakers, or stewards.

God gives us gifts not because we deserve them, but because we are loved and because we are His children. We are called to receive that which we have been given gratefully, nuture it responsibly, share it justly, and return it abundantly to our Father in Heaven.

While we seek justice in solidarity with others, our voices are not to be one with any human. Seeking dignity for all, our voices are to be one with the angels and saints guided by the wisdom of the Spirit. We are called to trust in something unseen and look upon the darkness of the world with love and hope in something greater.

For all of you facing the darkness this week, be it loneliness, addiction, unemployment, underemployment, fear, infertility, anger, homelessness, heartlessness, incivility, silence or overscheduling, know that as the communion of saints we stand in solidarity with you. We pray that God's light will guide you through the valley and that together we will continue our journey to God's just and glorious Kingdom.

One day we will all find perfection in God.

Until then, I'll find my hope for innocence and perfection in the eyes of my children.

Welcome Women Celebrate Readers!

2011-02-19T14:00:00.000-08:00

I spoke at a lovely women's conference today called "Women Celebrate" at the beautiful Osthoff Resort in Elkhart Lake, WI. The beautiful women who joined me there for conversation and fellowship brought great joy to my heart and I am deeply grateful for their openess and hospitality!

For those "Brides of Christ" who are coming here for the first time, welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere! I am so glad to be with you!

I've highlighted some of my favorite posts below and hope you'll visit often for new ideas, thoughts, and random ramblings! I write in this space, but more importantly, you read in this space. If there is any question, situation, or current event you would like to see me address, leave a comment and I'll do my best!

Tradition, Movies, Burgers and Spoons

Thanksgiving Shepherds Pie

Yes I Own a CSA Share and Still Shop at Sams Club

I do not propose to be an expert or even a wise woman. Perfection is far beyond me and I look to the day when I am made perfect in Heaven. Here on earth, I just do my best to honestly share my experiences and my beliefs as a wife, mother, lay-minister, and friend.

You are welcome, you are blessed! This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Down but Out-of-Town!

2011-02-13T15:05:00.001-08:00

We just found out that we will likely be taking a large pay cut due to legislation being proposed which will affect state workers. My husband works for the university system and without getting into politics, we are talking a yearly loss of nearly $5,500 for a position that is already paid about 30% less than the private sector (for which we are equally compensated by the nature of our additional benefits which have also been proposed to be reduced). Those is just the facts.

How did we celebrate this unfortunate proposed turn in our family affairs? We took a family "Get out of Dodge" vacation! We needed some time away from the daily doings and something to perk up our tired, winter spirits. We drove to Madison on Friday night and ate a late dinner at our favorite irish pub chain "Claddaugh". Beer was good, food was better and we laughed ourselves sleepy watching John Ross flirt with the couple next to us and dance to the live band. We checked into a beautiful mid-range hotel where they proceeded to upgrade us to a suite with a fridge and microwave for FREE. Yeah!

We woke on Saturday morning to a lovely, hot hotel breakfast and a swim in the pool which was equipped with a water play area just perfectly suited to our two small children. We went to lunch at another local favorite while we watched the Badger basketball team beat #1 Ohio State. Naps were in order and then we were off to drop the kids with their old nanny who lives downtown and offered to watch them so we could have a night out. All dressed up, we walked down State Street to a beautiful local and seasonal fine dining restaurant for a light meal of mussels and fresh pasta before attending a performance of the Madison Ballet. The second act of the ballet consisted of a local jazz artist and her band performing as the dancers interpretted. We had a lovely night's sleep and headed for home.

For my hubby, the whole situation mentioned above has left him (and by extension me) feeling powerless about our political life, our empolyment situation and our financial well-being. This seemingly insignificant trip gave us back a sense of having some input in our family life. More importantly it reminded us about what is most important in life and that is each other. We are not ultimately in control of our life, but must treat each other with love and compassion trusting that God's plans for us are for good and not evil.

***We didn't make the situation go away and we will keep fighting for our financial well-being. This is another one of those situations where a political leader is unable to serve the fullness of pro-life: both our moral values and our economic circumstances. It is not as clear cut as many make it out to be.

Going, Going, Gone...

2011-01-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

Balance is a frightful thing.

A thing never completely achieved.

A sense never completely out of reach.

A soaring joy when right.

A sinking ache when wrong.

One finds herself waiting, waiting, waiting...

For when two plus nine = 8.

Two find themselves waiting, waiting...

When finally 1+1+1 = One.

Daybook January 2011

2011-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Outside My Window ...
Powdery white snow and slushy roads! Not so enticing for going to the office today.

***

I am listening to...
Curious George trying to clean a grape-juice stain. Otherwise, silence. Clara is sleeping and John Ross is glued to George.

***

To Live the Liturgy…
Arg...tough one...we're just trying to get to liturgy at this stage in the game. This past weekend we got to church early because we were visiting my mom and dad and with 9 adults, 2 little boys, and 2 baby carriers we have to save an entire ROW! While we were waiting for Mass to begin I walked John Ross around the church and we learned how to bless ourselves with holy water and we lit a candle. When I asked him what we were lighting the candle for he replied with a half-whisper, "Kera and Daad" known to the rest of the world as Clara and Dad.

***

To be Fit and Happy….
I met my goal last week and exceeded it including a long trip to the skating rink. Considering it is already Tuesday and I haven't even started towards this week's goal, I'm a bit trepidatious. I am hoping that after the kids are in bed and Kevin is at a meeting that perhaps I can sneak a workout in tonight.

***

I am thankful for ...
A babysitter that can flex to my crazy schedule this month. I have a lot of extra night and morning meetings and my usual sitter doesn't have the kind of flexibility I need. I am also grateful that she is willing to stay on for the semester in addition to my sister so mommy can focus on work during work time and home during home time!

***

From the kitchen ...
Homemade SCONES! So yummy, but made the small to help with the fit and happy side of me!!! Almond Chocolate Chip, Blackberry Lemon, and Honey Cranberry Pecan. Here's the base recipe!

***

I am creating ...
Materials for a women's event in February. My session is called "Touch Up Your Roots!

***

I am reading….
"A Year in the Life of Food" by Barbara Kingsolver. I am also trying to decide on a piece of fiction. I think I need to fall in love with fiction again. Reading for pleasure and I fell out of love during college and I think I need to challenge myself to give it some grace again. I need something substantial to lose myself in. Please do not suggest pop culture fiction...I'm only considering classics. Perhaps I'll revisit the Betsy-Tacy series of my youth!

***

Towards a real education ...
Challenging myself to find time for crafts and coloring WITH the kids. The kids regularly express their creativity, but I am making an effort to participate!

***

Bringing beauty to my home ...
Taking down our Christmas tree (after all, the official liturgical season is now over) and making our space cozy again. I'm also trying to bring some organization to our cupboards and rooms.

***

I am hoping and praying….
For inner peace and guidance as I continue to build my speaking and writing career. Keeping a balance between my family, my day job and my dream is tricky. Not knowing the exact future status of my day job doesn't help either. I am so grateful for my best friend and writing buddy who keeps me motivated and inspired and who has in many ways, paved the way mentally for my work. I couldn't do it without her solidarity and I am praying that our friendship will also provide a solid foundation for a good partnership.

***

Around the house ...
I'm simplifying. The less busy work, the better.

***

One of my favorite things ...
My new Vera Bradley netbook bag!!! My sister pulled my name at Christmas and I am beyond excited about it and have already given it quite the workout! It is the perfect combination for both work and home use!

***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Working and catching up after an amazing weekend with my family and grandparents who had flown in from AZ. Perhaps a mommy meeting to catch up with a good friend and get some freelance work done. I'm going to try to get a leg up on my to-do list so I can enjoy next weekend, which is also the last free weekend of the next 3 months!

***

The RED Hour

2011-01-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

At our house the "red hour" is any hour in which preparation for an event departure takes place.

The most regular occurance of the "red hour" is Sunday mornings before Mass. Oddly enough, or perhaps not so oddly to you mamas and papas out there, the hour before Mass is probably one of my least holy of the week. As a sort of examination of collective conscience, let's review.

First Commandment (You shall have no other gods before Me)
Yes, there were several moments where I considered that skipping Mass might be easier than giving John Ross a last minute bath to extract the yogurt and maple syrup from his hair.

Second Commandment (You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain)
Yes, Clara's incesant whining has elicited several "Jimminy Cricket!"s and "Good Lord!"s from my otherwise careful mouth.

Third Commandment (Honor the Sabbath)
Yes, I work for the church and have been known to work on Sundays. Working on Sunday is not so much the issue as is the fact that I don't take equivalent time later in the week to focus on quality family time. I have been known to get myself so wrapped up in my work, the laundry, the bills, and the family errands that I have neglected to make myself free to love my family and take time to rest. Even after creating the world (and you can bet God knew how badly we were going to mess it up by the next day), God took time to rest.

Fourth Commandment (Honor your father and mother)
Yes, I have neglected my role as mother by denying the importance of my spiritual life. I have not treated myself with patience and given myself the necessary prayer time with God.

Fifth Commandment (You shall not kill)
Yes, I have barked retorts and ordered my husband into action in a frustrated attempt to get us out the door on time. I have treated him with disrespect and killed his otherwise cheerful weekend demeanor.

Sixth Commandment (You shall not commit adultery)
Yes, I have put clean toddler tights and trousers ahead of my husband's pants. I have put my children and my need for community approval ahead of his needs.

Eighth Commandment (You shall not bear false witness)
Yes, I have been know to offer my children the example of a sarcastic comment such as, "Oh yeah, you're daddy is such help!", when in fact he deserves great admiration in their presence.

Ninth (You shall not covet your neighbor's wife)
Yes, in haste I have neglected my appearance and worn both jeans and oatmeal. In inattention I have dressed immodestly for the occassion of Mass with a dress that was perhaps too fitted or a skirt that was too short. I have not acted intentionally to protect the integrity of my husband and others.

Seventh Commandment (You shall not steal) and Tenth Commandment (You shall not covet thy neighbor's goods)
Yes, I have been known to take the last cup of coffee to soothe my Sunday morning nerves. I have also been known to get frustrated at the amount of time it takes my husband to get ready, not because of the time but because I want it too...

All jest aside, my examination proves our imperfection as parents. However, as my husband has so aptly and lovingly pointed out recently, we don't want to set the stage for Mass inside the "red hour". Mass is a celebration and most families don't like to start a celebration with an arguement in the car on the way over.

This weekend let's work together to have a collective "white hour". That is, an hour of peaceful preparation and loving interactions. And if it means we have to start early, so be it.

I'm setting the alarm for 4 a.m...:)

Yes, I Own a CSA Share and Still Shop at Sams Club

2011-01-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

A contradiction you say? Not in our family.

I have a very clear moral base which is informed by my faith and my own study. That being said, I am very much a centrist on a lot of issues. I don't believe in the relative concept of "to each his own", but I do believe that everything in life is a balance.

I am on the fence between two extremes in a lot of areas of my life. I believe my number one vocation is family love, but I love to work and believe it is important. I believe that breastfeeding is best for babies, but I pumped and partially formula fed my babies from an early age. I own a half share in a CSA farm and I shop at Sams Club.

First and foremost, we live in Wisconsin. We cannot get fresh produce of any kind here for 4-6 months out of the year without shipping it in. Yet, healthy eating is a very significant core value of our family. This includes a lot of fresh/flash frozen produce and fresh meat and fish. Anyone who has learned the trick of shopping only the perimeter of the grocery store knows how pricey that can get. At Sams I can get more fresh spinach, fresh fruit, and fresh vegetables for my buck than anywhere else. I can also get plenty of eggs, yogurt, and milk for my growing family.

That is my second point. Even if we could get produce here year round from CSA, we couldn't afford it. Anyone who wants to go local/natural has to be willing to pay for it. While it is a priority for us as a family, we have to balance that with the priority of me working parttime and my vocation to church work. Both of these priorities prevent us from going all organic because of the cost.

Furthermore, Sams Club/Walmart corporation provides a lot of jobs and benefits to people in our community and keeps a lot of money moving in our community. CSA does as well in different ways, but to say that one is better than the other from an economic standpoint is fruitless. In today's day and age different people have different needs. We cannot all afford natural/organic, but we all deserve to afford a healthly lifestyle. CSA offers one option and Sams Club/Walmart offers another. This way, everyone has the option to eat healthy if they make it a priority.

(Side note: While some may contest my statement of "everyone has the option to eat healthy", I stand by it. Certainly it may be cheaper to eat a burger of the dollar menu, but I also know how cheap and easy it is to make a kettle of soup or chili that will feed our family of 3 eaters for 3+ meals. Cheapest does not mean that something more expensive isn't affordable and let's not even go into the healthcare costs that go along with the supposed "cheapest" option.)

The food supply chain in our family requires a balance between local, seasonal, and affordable. I am proud that we've made nutrition a family value. I am proud that I have found a way to shop and cook in the best interest of the loves of my life.

Why God Created Pomegranates

2011-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

It has been a busy week around here. We hosted a 5-course wine and cheese tasting for my co-workers at the parish. Christmas is really rough on all parish staff and most events in December are just an extra thing on the calendar. This event was for all of us to get together, drink, eat, and laugh. There were about 10 people and the menu included curried butternut soup, beef roast, potatoes 3-ways, and a trio of sumptuous desserts. A lovely time was had by all, but especially by my creative side!!! This was another great consequence of my exit from Facebook!

An event I was supposed to speak at this weekend was rescheduled which was a wonderful treat! Instead of a Saturday away from my family we had breakfast together and visited a local farm who was hosting their annual "seed day". This farm offers community supported agriculture (CSA). We toured the farm and said hello the their chickens, dog, and beef cattle. We tasted some wonderful canned goods from last year's harvest and signed up for a half share of produce for the next growing season! We are all set to receive a box of produce a week starting in early June and running through the end of the harvest!! We are very excited to support local produce farming and enjoy some free range chicken and eggs!!! It was great to have some say in what was going to be planted this year!!!

We returned home a bit late for lunch. We were well into naptime by the time I got John Ross in his chair and although I fed him in stages to help prevent a meltdown, I was only mildly successful. As he worked on his grilled cheese, I was trying to peel a pomegranate (yes, I know...pomegranate? Not exactly local produce...more on my view on that in a later post) and remove the pareils. Amidst his yelling and whining I found myself saying to Kevin, "God created pomegranates simply to frustrate humans. I bet He just sits up there and chuckles!"

Kevin responded, "No, God created pomegranates to teach humans patience."

He's is Two Going on Three!

2011-01-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

My little man is TWO! In the spirit of a tradition I have seen many blogger mom's keep, this post is dedicated to my firstborn son, the fruit of my womb, and the source of my very first gray hair.

Two years ago our lives changed forever. The miracle of life and the glory of heaven was never closer than the very moment our son took his first breath. When he arrived he did so without a sound. He didn't cry at the abrupt end to his warm, gentle existence, but quietly took in the new world around him. His big, brown eyes captured my heart and instantly ushered us into the era of a "brave new family".

Active in the womb, he hasn't stopped since. He is all boy and coming from a family of all girls mommy has been at the disadvantage! He loves wrestling with his daddy and his uncle Matt (my brother, who was adopted, is 5).

As active as he is, we call him our "little mommy". He has always been very empathetic. He feels what I feel and what Kevin feels. As an infant, I had to be very aware of my own stress, anxiety, and frustration as it was amplified in his behavior. To this day my approach to Sunday Mass is patterned in his behavior during Mass. Talk about a mood-meter! His little "feelers" are easily hurt by any perceived slight on his part or the part of others.

He is very attentive to his sister and is overly concerned about her well-being. If we invite him to dinner or to bed he is insistent that there is a plan for Clara. He has taken it upon himself to see to the well-being of Grandma's current foster baby. His baby doll has now taken on the baby's name and is lovingly placed in Clara's baby swing, baby seat, and exersaucer.

John Ross loves dinosaurs and trains and any combination of the two! Concidentally (NOT) his favorite TV shows are Dnosaur Train and Thomas the Tank Engine. Curious George is currently gaining on the former, but since he can't re-enact the antics of one curious monkey it may require a bit more imagination than he is ready for! John Ross loves his books when he is in his bed by himself, but is not one to be read to as of yet.

His sweet demeanor and quiet focus intrigues me daily. He will often "nap" for 3+ hours in the afternoon. Certainly a couple of hours are spent sleeping, but from infancy he would spend large periods of time laying and thinking. Somedays we'll walk in and find him sprawled out with his books while others he'll just be lying there with his hands behind his head. I often wonder what is happening behind his beautiful brown eyes.

He has always been very independent much to the chagrin of a mama who wanted to snuggle her first baby. However, the age of two has rung in a new era of snuggling. At random points of the day he will siddle up to me when I am working and attempt to push all other items from my reach. With a furrowed brow and an insistent, "Snuh?" he crawls up into my lap. Somedays he'll pull the blanket up over us. There we will sit, Mama reveling in the affection, for anywhere between 10-20 minutes watching a cartoon or show. As I mentioned before, he is not one for books...yet.

In the last couple of months his speech has exploded to included words like "engine" and "yuck" and phrases like "Where'd it go?" and "I don't know!" My absolute least favorite word is "MAM!" This very Irish version of an endearment for mother has become, in his little mouth, not a noun but a verb. It is a verb that demands action from wherever he is in the house. In fact, at Christmas we discovered that this is a verb that demands action from whatever female caretaker is closet. "MAM!" was used on both his grandma and his aunties.

"Scoopy", as we lovingly call him, is going to eat us out of house and home before he is 5. Tall and solid from birth, he rarely turns down food and consumes virtually every bite with gusto! He "mmmmm"s and "yummm"s and anxiously laughs his way through everything I fix and has recently taken a great interest in the food preparation process. I have suspicions that it has to do more with the pre-dinner bites that are involved, but at least I know that he will never starve!

He wears his heart on his sleeve and no one can claim that he hides his feelings. His expressions are truly priceless although I think Hallmark would pay a pretty penny for some of them. Many of them include very coordinated mouth and eyebrow movements. Surprised and confused are two of my favorites.

I see his heritage in him at every moment of everyday. Seeing his papa and my papa in him, I can't help but reflect upon what a blessing he has been upon our marriage. This is why God calls married couples to children. His creativity, love and determination are our future. His big brown eyes will see this world to a new and better place. I believe that in him our legacy of faithfullness and trust will live long beyond my earthly years.

May you always know our love and the love of your Father, my son. May you know that you never walk alone as I will always be in your heart.

100 Posts! Here's to You Woman at the Inkwell!!!

2011-01-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

Wow...

I started this blog in 2006 as an outlet for my writing inspirations and as a way of staying in touch with all those who have touch my life. Having done that and built and deepened a few new friendships in addition, I am very blessed.

It has been a great 5 years and 100 posts. That may not seem like a lot for the amount of time, but throw in a couple of a jobs, a wedding, and 2 children and I am feeling quite accomplished!

As I said at the beginning my writing philosphy is that it is as much about the reader as it is about the writer. Writing is the beginning of a dialogue, spoken and unspoken. I am grateful for your readership, your comments, and your prayers.

If you're so inclined and have a bit of that bubbly stuff left from the holiday (or even just a sip of cold coffee), lift your glass! Here's to us!

Bananas and Chocolate - Proof of My Imperfection

2010-12-31T16:33:00.000-08:00

A title like that around this time of year may conjur thoughts of weight-loss programs and rabbit-food salads. Neither is accurate in my case. Tonight it was the prescription for a case of parental abdication...

It is New Year's Eve. With a two-year-old and an eight-month-old, you can understand that New Year's Eve consists of a steak dinner at home after bedtime, a sip of bubbly whenever we decide it's midnight, and a VERY chaste kiss so as to avoid any extra "blessings" in the new year. However the bananas came long before dinner.

Perhaps it is the snow or several days at home with the WHOLE family, but John Ross has a terrible case of cabin-fever. Like I've never seen before. It is something out of my nightmares. After 3 time-outs, one swat on the tush, and several talkings to, my son was still riding his sister, stealing toys, and biting me.

And that is when he found me. Kevin found me in the mama fetal position. For those of you unfamiliar with this position it includes some version of sitting on the floor (in my case on the stool in the kitchen), banana in hand, my face nose first in a ramekin full of melted chocolate.

The last words I remember saying before sitting down to post this are, "I'm done. It's over. You need to get in there and wrestle with your son! He needs to be put in his place by an alpha dog that is clearly NOT his mama!!!"

Point being, none of us are perfect. My greatest health-concious will-power could not overcome the pressures of a completely unrelated mama-meltdown. It happens. And I will enjoy my steak, potatoes, and mushrooms with no more guilt than before the bananas incident. That is, if I make it there. My daughter is currently practicing pat-a-cake with my netbook cord in hand...

What Works: The Gratitude List - Busted Halo

2010-12-14T09:43:00.000-08:00

Click the title above for a great gratitude practice during this season of generosity!!!

What Advice Would You Give Yourself 16 Years Ago?

2010-12-07T15:21:00.001-08:00

Click the post title above for a wonderful letter by Catholic author and mother Danielle Bean to herself 16 years ago.

It was a good reminder as I sit here preparing for a council meeting to start and my hubby is wading knee deep in diapers and dinner. There is an ideal and there is a beauty in everything less than the ideal.

The Journey to Bethlehem: Our Journey to Christmas

2010-12-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

It is the 2nd week of Advent. What are you thinking about? The temptation is to think about the things of the holiday season. Gifts, toys, parties, meals, travel plans, weather systems, money, and family. While one cannot live outside of society, one can certainly place the pressures of society in the correct order of priority. You can be sure that on her journey to Bethlehem Mary was thinking about things of the world. A place to sleep, food, being away from her family, birthing plans, clothing for Jesus (Jesus did arrive as a baby…diapers and burp cloths seem pretty universal to the experience); there is no question that Mary was anxious about the arrival of her son.

Perhaps it is important for us to remember that anxiety during Advent is okay. Perhaps we need to give ourselves permission to enter into the experience of the Holy Family on their journey to Joseph’s hometown. We are not so unlike the Holy Family.

And that goes for our trust in God too. We CAN imitate the trust Mary and Joseph had in God’s plan. We CAN trust that God will provide for our journey. It does not take a saint to reach a place of holiness. It just takes a little bit of time to listen to God. You CAN do it.

Though we may be called to monumental tasks of patience and generosity this holiday season, may we share in Mary’s proclamation, “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my savior!”

Farms and Barns and the Love of God

2010-12-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

I find myself travelling to the far reaches of our diocese about once a month. While it can sometimes be a bit intimidating to navigate the small country roads, I find great joy in my solitary drives and the simplicity of the wholesome country I drive through.

After today's presentation at a church in Sturgeon Bay, I hopped back in the car with my eyes set on the road less taken. My destination: A little farm market near Algoma, Wisconsin. My goal: The final items for a local Christmas food basket.

After finding my items (and shhh...a few extra that will come in handy for tomorrow's celebration of the Feast of St. Nicholas), I found myself taking county road after country road to make my way back to the highway. Hands bundled in mittens with Bing Crosby crooning "Adeste Fideles", I drove past family farm after family barn. A light blustering of snowflakes accompained me as I drove and thought about a simpler time.

I reminiced the days of my youth when we lived out in the country and used to take drives to see family friends. How I loved the dark drives home with warm cocoa in our bellies and Garrison Keillor on the radio. The only lights were barn spotlights and the colorful holiday lights of some of our country neighbors. When the show was over, Dad would switch on the crackling remastering of Bing Crosby on CD. I would look out the car window at the stars and find myself wondering where God was "up there". How was it that Jesus was born? How did Jesus get from Heaven to earth? How could I possibly celebrate the birth of Jesus when it was so long ago?

Then we would arrive home. Mom would open the door and the cold chill of the winter wind would come rushing in and the overhead car light would sharply interrupt the dark quiet that had taken root in my soul. My mind was drawn to the practical things of finding my shoes, helping my younger sisters to the house, and making my way to bed without a fuss.

Nowadays, I live in that place of "practical things" more often than I would like. A college degree, a marriage, a home, and two children later, I find less and less time for the wonderings, and wanderings, of life. I suppose to some knowledge and experience brings comfort and a sense of preparation for the unexpected. Much as a cherish my education and the journey of my life thus far, I find that the more I learn the less I realize I know. Frankly, the less I want to know.

Today God and I got to talk like we used to talk. I asked my Father questions and He listened patiently, tangents and all, and offered His perspective. I simply got to be...to be loved...and to love back in all wonder.

What a great gift as we approach the feast of St. Nicholas. What a great gift indeed.

Tradition: Movies, Burgers, and Spoons

2010-12-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

This post is a bit belated considering we received 12 inches of snow during a major blizzard this weekend, but I wanted to write about our perfect first snowfall none the less.

Here in Green Bay, we got a 1-2 inch dusting the first week of December. It happened to be a Wednesday date night and Kevin and I were scheduled to go see the newest Harry Potter movie. Recently Kevin has been quite insistent that we shake up our date night routine which has come to include mostly just dinner. The movie was good although I'm definitely not a Potter die-hard. Even though we had polished off a large popcorn and Diet Pepsi, somehow we still felt the need for dinner. With only 45 minutes before our babysitter went "off-duty" we decided to make a quick stop in at Culvers.

$8 later we found ourselves sitting in a nearly empty restaurant surrounded by gaudy tinsel, hanging snowflakes, and pictures frames haphazardly wrapped as Christmas presents. We sat quietly in our booth listening to George Straight espouse the joys of the season while we watched the snow fall outside.

It really felt like the beginning or end of a "partners for life" movie or television show. The camera zooms in (or out) on the unlikely couple in the diner eating a random assortment of breakfast and comfort foods and laughing gently at the events of the day.

That's Kevin and I. Unlikely partners for life. Our love story is one for the movies. I don't mean the anecdotal romantic comedy, but the journey of two strange birds indy film. God took two independent old-souls and gifted them with His will to love one another. Then he added two little souls, one with dimples and the other with a crooked smile. All slightly impish, there are days when I feel like we should live in hobit's hollow somewhere! And there are those that would call our charming home just that...:)

After a wonderful date night we returned home to our hollow to complete our family tradition for the first snow. The day of the first "real" snow (meaning it sticks) we end the day with a cup of hot cocoa and my porcelain snowman spoons.

It may not be the most elaborate of traditions. It may not be the most desirable of traditions. But for us, it is not the action, but the repetion that allows us a few moments to reflect on the journey and blessings behind us.

This year I think we've learned that perhaps traditions can grow. At this time next year maybe you'll find us at a local Culvers enjoying a burger and the everyday holiness that is our lives.

Thanksgiving Shepherd's Pie!

2010-12-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

John Ross and his Irish buddy Ian watching the big trucks pick up leaves!

It's snowing here in Green Bay!!!!! The roads are covered and John Ross spent his entire breakfast (2 bowls of cereal and a container of yogurt) gazing out the dining room window and repeating "Whoa..." The first snow is a good day here at the Boerschinger home. But, I digress...

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday at our home. Kevin spent many years deprived of turkey because it was the preferred meat at his family home. I believe in a full turkey dinner with all of the fixings. Most, if not all, is homemade.

The thing with a homemade Thanksgiving at our house is that there are TONS of leftovers in various proportions. Howeve, when it comes to Thanksgiving, I cannot justify throwing anything out. I believe in using everything to its fullest capacity to respect the gift of food we've been given. I start by making turkey stock with the carcass and move on to soup with the stock and leftover meat and turkey paninis and cranberry sauce. Then the ingredients start to dwindle a bit...To avoid eating a final lonely lunch of stuffing and squishy corn, I came up with a new recipe this year!

Cue the Thanksgiving shepherd's pie!

The Irish tradition of shepherd's pie is at its simplest a deep dish of meat and vegetables smothered with a gravy-like sauce and topped with a thick layer of toasted mashed potatoes.

Ours consisted of leftover corn, leftover stuffing, chopped turkey (dark meat), leftover green bean casserole, and leftover gravy. I topped it with our leftover mashed potatoes which this year were made of sweet potatoes, russet potatoes, parsnips, butter, sour cream, heavy cream and chives. I warmed it all in the oven for about 30 minutes at about 375 and then cranked it up to about 425 to toast the top of the potatoes.

Everybody loved it! It was so yummy that this mama doesn't even mind the prospect of eating it for lunch every day this week.

I think the trick for us busy mamas who want to save time and money is to revisit the classic dishes and flavors and tweak them just slightly to fit whatever is in our pantry. Or perhaps leftover containers...

Fall: My Season

2010-11-25T17:40:00.000-08:00

I love the fall. There is nothing quite like the feeling of walking out of the house and smelling the decay of leaves and the crisp fall air. I love the slight bite in the wind and the gently warmth I feel when I enter an establishment. I love bundling up and taking the kids for a walk.

For many, fall signifies a time of death and darkness. While I mourn the end of Saturday morning market with the final ritual canning and a savory butternut squash soup, I embrace the peace and life I find in the shortening days of autumn.

There is a slowing of life in the enveloping darkness of the late days of fall. I identify with a mama bear as my instinct to hibernate kicks in. I become more efficient and less concerned with the stress of the world. My priorities naturally shift to a greater focus on my family and for a short period of time each year society supports my priorities with sappy commercials about family holidays and especially patient church-goers.

John Ross was born at the end of November. Nothing more life-giving than that. I can't eat Thanksgiving dinner without remembering those last precious (and impatient) hours that my son was still inside me.

And on the tail of the fall season is Advent. The anticipation of the impending arrival of the Savior is certainly known to this mama. This year however, it is the peace and hush that I hope to embrace.

Yes, my children are 2 and 7 months.

Yes, I am a working mama.

Yes, I hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas is out of town this year.

I figure, if Mary can manage to give birth to Jesus in a cave and invite the shepherds in to view the little man a few hours later, I can find a few moments of peace each night to be quiet and remember God's provision. Perhaps, by Christmas, I will be ready to welcome the Savior into my heart and not just my home.

I've Never Been So Thankful for Lunch!

2010-11-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

My son invited me to lunch the other day. This may not seem significant at first glance, but he's 2.

I sat him down for lunch and turned to go to the kitchen to do my usual chores while he ate. As I stepped across the threshold between the two rooms, I heard an insistent “Aye! Aye!” and turned around to see him repeatedly pointing his finger to the table and saying “Seat! Seat!” He was clearly inviting me to join him for our meal. He had classified meal time as family time. He had internalized our pattern and simply made it a part of himself. He didn’t have to think about it, he just acted as the Spirit prompted him.

At this time of year, between family and holidays, it is easy to get caught up in the necessity of doing. We must do the shopping, do the cooking, and do the driving. Then we must do the working to pay for the shopping and the cooking and the driving. Often, in all of our doing, we forget to be present in the moment and give thanks for the gift of ourselves.

The life of a steward begins when you realize that all you have and more importantly, all you are, is a gift. John Ross’ invitation was to more than just lunch. He invited me to simply be that which God has made me. Through my 2-year-old, Jesus called me out of my doing and invited me to sit at His feet as a mother, a wife, and a beautiful daughter of God.

Status Update: Amberly Says Goodbye to Facebook

2010-11-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you've noticed that I haven't been very consistent about writing on this blog lately. It has been just one of many creative casualties of Facebook. Below you will find a note I sent to my closest Facebook friends about why I was choosing to delete my account. I hope you will join me here regularly for updates!

-----------------------

Hello all you lovely ladies,

I’m just writing a quick note to those on my Facebook account who have made an effort to meet me or stay connected to me. After taking a few extended hiatuses from Facebook this past year, I’ve decided to delete my account. Without going into too much detail, Facebook has become a time and creativity sucker for me and my family. I am tired of feeling like I have lost time and energy to something that is supposed to be community-building. If I am going to spend time building community, I should be seeking depth instead of breadth. In being honest with myself, Facebook is a way for me as an introvert to “communicate” without having to make much effort and it feeds a very unhealthy passive-aggressive nature within me. While the disconnected, no pressure nature of Facebook may seem appealing to me on the surface, it is not the person I want to be in the lives of those I care about. I was created for something greater. I am a woman and I was designed to fill the empty space within me by way of deep relationships with others. Facebook keeps me from answering that call. Don’t get me wrong…I love my technology and will likely rely on e-mail for the convenience factor and will continue to update my winkflash pages with my photos.

So, I’m going to be deleting my account as soon as I can get my data extracted and all my items deleted. I hope to be complete by the end of next week. Whether an old or new friend, I do want to stay in touch, I just want to do so in a deeper way. Please contact me by phone or by e-mail. I am also on Skype. If you are one of those people who enjoy seeing photos of my children, touch base with me and I will give you our family Winkflash page and password.

Please know that this choice is a reflection on none of you and instead a choice I am making for my own heart and the well-being of my family.

Many blessings to you!

Our Little Souls

2010-10-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

I have two children. This is my beautiful daughter. She is only 6 months old and yet I can see in her eyes what a beautiful young woman she will be one day. I can see the joy and radiance of God in her little smile and I can hear God's voice when she laughs from her belly.

As Catholics and Christians we talk about our co-creation with God. After having my children, I know understand that it applies to so much more than birth control, conception, and the mystery that is pregnancy. God gifted Kevin and me with these children and entrusted us as stewards of their lives and their futures. Together, through prayer and faith, we co-create these precious children. We nurture their bodies, their minds, and their little souls.

Wow, what an awesome calling.

It certainly gives me some perspective for those moments when my rambuctious two-year-old is flinging folded towels across the living room and trying to bite everything that makes contact with his lower canines and my daughter is screeching for rice cereal and whining for mama's arms. We're co-creating and this moment is yours LORD!

Feeling Exhausted

2010-10-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

No inspirational message tonight. Just typing in solidarity with the thousands of parents out there who are exhausted at the end of today. When you ask what I did today: The children were dressed, the children were diapered, the children were fed, the children are still alive. If dinner is burnt, just be grateful that dinner made it to the oven at all.

A Great Hubby!

2010-01-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

I just needed to take some time to recognize a very important person in my life.

This is someone without whom my life would have less meaning, less purpose, and certainly less excitement. Someone who is dedicated above all else to the well being of me and my children sometimes at the expense of his own desires.

My husband Kevin is by far the most selfless person in my life and that is saying a lot because I know some AMAZING people. From taking on the role of heavy lifter for our 14-month-old son as I reach my 6th month with #2 to getting out of bed at 3 a.m. on the coldest night of the year to tape our creeky back door closed, he is our all.

He generously gives of his time and patience, giving me every opportunity to pursue my passions and being there as a soft place to fall when things don't go as I expected. His flexibility has so often relieved my anxious nature. His sense of humor brings so much light and joy to our lives. And so much laughter...including that which is currently resonating from John Ross' belly as he tries to stick his finger in daddy's ear...

We are a schweetie team and I can't imagine my life any different. After nearly 3 years, I love him more today than I did when I married him.

Ladies, if you have a man in your life like this, tell him so. In fact, tell the world. Our wonderful husbands deserve as much recognition as we do for all the things that get done in our families.

They say that women typically outlive men. I truly believe that our longevity and their early demise can be wholly atributed to their complete fulfillment of their lives as men and their vocations as husband and father. They are designed by God to act upon others and fully spend themselves in support of the lives around them.

I love you Kevin. I am completely unworthy of the gift I have been given in you, but I am ever so grateful for every moment.

The "To-do" List

2010-01-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

Did you know that the tasks on your “to-do” list are acts of stewardship? Not only are they great acts of service, but the acts of tending to your needs and the needs of others are an important piece of tending your garden of relationships. Let’s look at a few items from my “honey-do” list.

Item and Impact
Laundry - An easier morning for my family members picking out clothing
Taxes - A mommy who isn’t in tears at 11:59p.m. on April 14th, 2010
Wedding Favors - A sister/auntie who can focus on her nursing boards instead of what color ribbon to tie around her chocolate-dipped biscotti
Swiffer - No mice, no slips, and a pleasant and peaceful smell to welcome all who enter our home Write Bulletin Article - An honest look into life from one Christian to another.
We CAN do this!

It is important that we look upon our to-do lists, honey or otherwise, with eyes of stewardship. These tasks are important to our well-being and the well-being of others. By completing these tasks we make our lives on the journey less cluttered and allow more room to fill ourselves with God’s joy and more peace to seek God’s will.

"Hello? God? This is Amberly calling..."

2009-09-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

God calls us to answer our baptismal call. For me, this is anything but easy.

How am I supposed to be mature, holy, concerned with the common good, sharing my gifts and an extension of God’s blessings all in the same day? I can barely remember to brush my teeth and grab the baby’s bottle before I leave the house in the morning!

And then it occurred to me…

- I maturely spoke kind words to the loan specialist about the loan coupon booklet that neverarrived and reversing the subsequent late fee.

- I shared holiness and patience with my son by singing along to his Bible songs CD during an unusually long traffic delay that postponed his suppertime bottle.

- I responded to the common good by taking the time to e-mail back a flustered friend withwords of affirmation and to follow up on a state health provision that could negativelyimpact thousands of marriages.

- I shared my gift for healthy cooking by making a balanced meal for my husband and sistereven though the last thing my stomach could tolerate was cooking beef.

- I was a conduit of God’s blessings as my exhausted husband sighed and opened our nightly devotional and I said quietly, “I’ll read tonight”.

Upon this reflection, I’ve deduced that the key to answering my baptismal call is being aware of my baptismal call in my everyday life. Specific and intentional responses to our baptismal call are important as well, but I believe that most importantly, God wants us to be thinking of our call within the context of how we live our everyday lives.

And the best way to awareness? A direct line with God by way of a practical, but regular prayer life.

For me, this means prayer time from daycare to work and devotional time with my husband before bed.

If you have trouble carving out time for prayer in your life, here is a method to consider. Presented in this form by author Trudelle Thomas, the Ignatian Examen is a daily practice of spiritual reflection that has been used by Christians for centuries. In essence, it consists of 2 questions.

- What am I most grateful for today?

- What am I least grateful for today?

Sometimes formal prayer can be daunting. These two questions can bring you a greater awareness of God’s presence in your day. These questions can take other forms if you prefer:

- When did I give and receive the most love today?

- When did I give and receive the least love today?

- When did I feel the most alive today?

- When did I feel the most life draining out of me today?

Just remember, however you get there, a direct line of communication with God is the key to answering your baptismal call.

Now, stop reading and go listen.

Life Maintenance...

2009-09-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

I saw the phrase "life maintenance" on a friend's profile today and it got me to thinking, what maintenance do I need to do in my life. And then I got overwhelmed...

Maintenance in family life is constant. It is not something you relegate to one or two evenings. It is not something you ever complete. This realization was a hard one to accept. I am a recovering closet perfectionist who still cannot live life without a calendar and a list. I take GREAT pleasure in crossing things off my list when they are complete. After welcoming John Ross into our life I had to come to terms with the fact that just because I cross a task off my list doesn't mean that I won't have to do it again tomorrow or next week. At this point, I am less concerned with completion as I am with category of frequency such as daily, weekly, monthly, and my self-coined "when I can" category.

For my own stress relief, I will list them here. Just kidding...I know we all have our lists and no one needs to spend any extra time reading mine.

Here's the problem. When I wrote my lists, prayer didn't cross my mind until I got to "when I can". I'm not sure how I should feel about that. I mean, I'm the kind of gal who believes that prayer is key to a calm and collected life even when it gets crazy. I am also the kind of gal who believes that God meets me at the sink, the washing machine, or on the highway. That said, it seems that when I don't have prayer built into my daily "life maintenance" I have a hard time remembering to meet God at our designated oasises.

A friend of mine lovingly challenged me to look at my prayer life as one cause for my manic-ness this past week. In addition to a severe case of hormones, I had to admit to her that my prayer life sucks!!!

Okay friends, how do you build regular prayer time into your daily life maintenance? I'm looking for practical ideas that will work as built in reminders. When I was little, my mom always kept the family meds (we have some serious asthma issues in our family) in the drinking class cupboard. That way, anytime we went to the cupboard (especially at mealtimes like breakfast and bedtime snacks) we would see them and be reminded to take them.

Where do I put my regular prayer so that I am always reminded of it?

Women Unite!

2009-09-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

Good morning all!

Again this morning I was affirmed in my call to serve women. So many women are looking for a safe and open place to find acceptance, understanding, and healing. So many women are looking for a place to explore relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and most importanly, how to get the laundry done.

Thank you to all the beautiful women in my life who have shared their lives, their needs and their support. I am so blessed to be able to serve with you as we live life.

I am preparing a list of speaking topics for upcoming events and inqueries and once again, I need your help. So, I have a question...what is it that you need TODAY?

A Window In...

2009-07-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve written past posts about fertility awareness and natural family planning. I believe strongly in its importance to marriages and family life. Tonight, I want to offer a different kind of reflection.

Anyone squeamish about reading general reflections on our sex life should stop reading here. For those who choose to continue, I promise, no details.

John Ross was born on November 28^th, 2009. I nursed until he was a little more than 3 months when I couldn’t continue to balance it with my work schedule. My menstrual cycle returned shortly after I stopped nursing.

A predictable 28 days later another cycle began.

As a couple we were back on track and again enjoying married life, albeit with the new parental limitations of exhaustion and early morning wake up calls.

Then came the first missed cycle…

Two pregnancy tests later we were pretty certain we were not pregnant.

I must have missed cycle due to stress and hormones that we still trying to regulate.

Today is day 60 since my last cycle began…

Count, that is two regular menstrual cycles and as far as I know, I am still not pregnant.

However, for those of you familiar with fertility awareness, even with sympto-thermal evidence, the lack of a period makes knowing your “safe zones” a bit trickier.

During the fertile times of our intimate life, we believe that in complete love for one another we cannot withhold any part of ourselves, especially our life giving fertility. We either offer ourselves completely, open to the possibility of new life, or not at all.

Our plan (insert God’s laugh here) is to wait until John Ross is at least year before we start trying again so as to allow my body to heal.

So, not knowing our “safe zones”, we abstain. As a couple we have spent a lot of time talking about what we are meant to learn. Perhaps God is taking this opportunity to remind us that we are a part of His plan, not our own. Perhaps it is an opportunity for us to remember that our faith says sex has two purposes; procreative and unitive. It is not just about “yes baby” or “no baby”. Sex can be about joy, comfort or celebration. Our abstinence has given us a wonderful chance to identify the motives behind our intimacy and to meet those needs in other ways like service and quality time.

It’s not easy. We both have cravings for intimacy. It is challenging to feel close without the physical aspect of our relationship. But as difficult as abstinence is, we know that we are treasuring and protecting the life-giving love that we have been given.

This post is dedicated to all the wonderful couples in our life and around the world who choose life-giving love. We may not be able to roll in hay anytime we like, but when we do, watch out, we’re going to burn the barn down!!!

Healthy Habits are an Act of Discipleship

2009-06-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

Below are some headlines from a well-known news website.

"Is the Economy Making You Fat?"

"Blow Your Diet? Blame Your Brain."

"How the Recession Wrecked My Cholesterol"

"Too Little Sleep May Raise Blood-Pressure"

All of these headlines make an excuse for living an unhealthy life. That implies that an unhealthy life is not something natural, but instead something that is brought upon by other forces. It is time to recognize that perhaps the busier, more convenient, more "advanced" lifestyle our society proposes is not in fact the right way to live. If a life-style is compromising the very breath that gives us life, I think it is time to re-evaluate.

I've got a headline for you. "The Body is a Temple."

So, let's evaluate this metaphor.

Would you board up the doors of a temple or church like fat and plaque from poor eating habits dam up the arteries of your heart?

Would you keep all of the windows latched and never allow fresh air into a temple like keep fresh air from your lungs when you smoke or pollute the air?

What if your active temple or church hung a sign on the door that said, “No services today, we’re too busy and too tired.”? Why is it okay to hang out those excuses when you should be exercising your body?

No temple or church could withstand constant use without downtime for maintenance and care. Why do you expect your body to work well without sleep and leisure?

These items only have to do with our physical and mental health. What about our spiritual health?

I received an e-mail recently that told of a man who had decided to quit going to church. He said to a friend, “I’ve been going to church for years, but I don’t remember the topic of a single sermon.”

The friend replied, “I’ve been married 30 years now and my wife has made me supper every night. I don’t remember a single meal she made me, but I know if I hadn’t eaten them, I wouldn’t be alive today.”

So let’s take a stand! You are not called to live life as a consumer. You are called to live life as a disciple.

As a disciple we must have discipline.

Discipline: (n.) activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training

So, I’ve dug into my files and come up with a discipline from Fr. Al McBride for “Temple Maintenance”. Fr. McBride is a Norbertine at St. Norbert’s Abbey in De Pere, WI.

Everyday do 6 things:

1. Something Good for Others

2. Something Good for Yourself

3. Something that you don’t want to do, but needs to be done

4. Physical Exercise

5. Mental Exercise (ie: reading, writing)

6. An original prayer everyday by naming your blessings (lots will be constant, but everyday something will be new or original).

What maintenance have you done on your temple today?

The Joys of Being a Mom and My Re-Discovered Love of Reading

2009-05-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I have fallen in love with an old friend. That old friend is also a time-honored past time. I have fallen in love with reading.

During high school and college my reading ability completely digressed. I taught myself to skim materials for the sake of completion and basic fact recollection versus reading for the depth and comprehension that I had spent my foundational years perfecting.

4 years later, I have taught myself to read again and am currently working on a FABULOUS book called, "Spirituality in the Mother Zone".

You don't realize it as you are adjusting to all of the practical aspects of motherhood, but your spirituality changes drastically as you come face to face with the realities of being a mom. Going to church becomes truly a sacrifice because you spend most of the time trying to keep your little one quiet without taking them out of church. The cry room is not an option because it is full of toys and snacks and only provides one participation via a tiny TV screen. Not my idea of full participation. Even if I do keep him quiet, I still get the old ladies who gripe afterwards because he was such a distraction. Look, I'm sorry, I realize that you didn't bring your kids to church at this age, but mine will come to church. You want me here as a young married mom and that means you are going to get my FAMILY. I am teaching my children to go to church and understand what church is all about...maybe if you had brought your children to church when they were young we wouldn't be facing an unprecendented drop in church attendence and involvement.

Christianity through history has painted a very strange picture of Christian moms. We are supposed to be wonder women; quiet, humble, demure, forgiving, nurturing, and all out perfect. We keep perfect homes, perfect bodies (be they at some points in history, curvy), perfect marriages and perfect children. Those dark times of motherhood are forgotten about, perhaps simply not talked about, and one is left feeling lonely and removed not only from one's faith community, but in many ways from one's God.

In "Spirituality in the Mother Zone," Trudelle Thomas paints an amazing picture of the changes to our minds, our hearts, our souls and yes, even our bodies. She suggests that the Old Testement view of God and Spirit as Wisdom and Sophia might be a more appropriate sense of God for many women in "the Mother Zone". I am not one who visions God as Mother, but I definitely have a new sense for the feminine qualities of the Spirit as I venture into my own motherhood.

I wish I could write the whole book right here for all of you to read because not a page goes by that I don't say to myself, "Wow, that is amazing." Here are a few snippets...

She talks about the experience of first-time mom's being "cracked," as with grains of wheat, in order for us to grow into our new identy as mother.

She talks of the new image of body that mothers gain. "This is my body, given for you," takes on a whole new meaning when a nursing mom leaks through her work clothes and laughing causes unexpected jiggling in areas that were at earlier times taut and firm.

She talks of composing versus juggling. How many of us view life as juggling, as though the events of life are something unintentional?

She talks of the Ignatian examen as a way of processing one's day in an effort to energize and inspire healthy habits and focus on one's passions.

She writes of the vibrant and powerful tiger (or in my case I like to envision a lioness) inside each woman that can drive a woman's rage to productive forms like cour-rage and out-rage. These forms can be used to effect change for our loved ones. Anger is just another expression of love.

And that is as far as my Mother Zone has let me read, but I can't wait to read the rest. Trudelle Thomas has an uncanny way of nailing the isolated, conflicted, confronted but intensely spiritual feelings of motherhood. She does it from a feminine, but not feminist perspective that upholds the dignity of both motherhood AND womanhood. The difference in Thomas' style compared to many "parenting" books, is that she doesn't bemoan and labor on the realities. She writes of the realities with concise, honest and moving words and then presents positive, spiritual and forward-moving methods of facing them.

I am energized and encouraged by the up and downs of this book and I cannot wait to finish it and read it again with my highlighter in hand. If you get a chance, even if you're not a mom, read this book. It is such a transformational piece of writing.

Next time Kevin asks me what I want for a gift for a special occassion, I am going to ask him to read it. The perspective it offers is unusually unique and universal at the same time!

So continues my re-acquaintance with a long-lost love...

Our Love Story

2009-05-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

Seeing as our 2nd anniversary just passed, I felt this a perfect opportunity to reflect on our amazing journey so far.

Short version...3 1/4 years ago we met, 3 years ago we started dating, 4 months later we were engaged, 7 months after that we were married, and 18 months later we were parents!

Now, for those of you who tuned in to hear the real story...here goes.

Kevin and I met by strange diocesan coincidence.

When I moved to Green Bay there was no young adult group to speak of. Along with another friend, we requested a list of young adults in the diocese who might be interested. Kevin was on this list.

Back story: Kevin would never have been on this list if he hadn’t finally broken down and gone on diocesan retreat with his Dad after years of pestering. Strangely, the man who married us, Bishop Bob, directed his first retreat.

We gathered our first time in my apartment and Kevin offered his house as a regular gathering area because there was more room.

We gathered there, sometimes as 3 people, sometimes as more, for several months. We spent many Thursday nights reflecting on faith and life and enjoying an occasional glass of wine. Admittedly, during this time I had a few thoughts of “Hmmm...he’s sweet, but I could never date him because he likes camping.” However, in the meantime I started dating the guy who I was coordinating the small group with!

Toward the end of May, the guy I was dating called things off. Much to my dismay, it was the week before he was supposed to help me move into my new apartment! I was without any help to move! I called Kevin just hoping I might get some help. He agreed.

Memorial Day weekend Kevin offered his time, his truck and his thumb for the cause. While moving my fold-out couch, he punctured his thumb and to this day has a numb spot to show for it.

I was so moved by this man who barely knew me and who would give up part of his holiday weekend to help me move in 90+ degree heat. Never once did he complain. Never once did he ask when we were going to be done. After an day of witty banter my curiosity was piqued.

The weekend after, I went to Cincinnati for my sister’s high school graduation. I knew I wanted to get to know Kevin better, but I had come off of a nasty, long-term relationship and I didn’t even know where to start. I stopped in Indianapolis to have dinner with my best friend and she told me that I had to call him and invite him out for a cup of coffee sometime soon.

I made the call. He wasn’t home. I left a message. He called back. I was sitting by the pool. I missed the call. He left a message. Yes.

On my return home, as I inched through a traffic backup in Milwaukee, we made plans for a light dinner on Wednesday night. He’d pick me up.

Dinner was simple but wonderful. Leaving the restaurant, I knew I didn’t want the night to end. We walked by the Fox River a short ways and then headed back to his house for a bottle of wine and some Sinatra on the deck.

Kevin dropped me at home at almost 1:00 a.m. and I had to get up for a 5:00 radio show!!! I still had to finish my rundown for the morning and I barely got 3 hours of sleep, but I was walking on air!

That Sunday, I got my first taste of Door County, WI. Kevin and I went to Mass at Resurrection (not my church at the time, but the church where we were eventually married and where I now work). Then we headed up the Door County peninsula for pastries, parks, beaches, and ice cream, followed by a fabulous dinner on the water.

At one point during the afternoon, we were sitting in an outdoor amphitheater and I asked, “What are we doing here?”, referring to our interpersonal situation.

Without missing a beat, Kevin replied, “Well, we can keep going from here and maybe go to the beach or get some ice cream if you want to.” He kissed me on the forehead (yes, strange) and we walked on. I kind of let the thought process go until another opportunity presented itself.

As we were sitting on the beach later that day I asked again.

“What are we doing here?” gesturing the interpersonal nature with a back and forth motion of my hands.

“Well, I’m all in.” Kevin replied.

“Good. That’s my sentiment. Give it all we’ve got and see where God takes it.” I confirmed. And that was it. We talked about our dreams and our passions, but no more about the relationship.

We had dinner at a restaurant on Lake Michigan. As we delicately maneuvered the dinner dance of an early date, the moon rose full, first red then bright yellow through the large windows on either side of our little corner of the restaurant. We traded laughs, sipped wine, and gazed intently at one another. After dinner we walked along the path right outside the windows we had just been gazing from.

As we reached the end of the path I breathed, “The moon is so beautiful tonight.”

Kevin replied seamlessly, as though in a classic film, “The moon is the second most beautiful thing tonight,” and he turned me around and kissed me.

Yes, it happened that way.

Grinning bigger than the moon, we headed back to his car and drove along the lake toward home. Upon returning to my apartment we snuggled up on the couch.

Kevin said later, “If I’d have known our night would have ended like this, I would have brought you home sooner.”

The following months were filled with wonderful times like that first Sunday. We went to church together every weekend, we took drives, met families, went to dinner, drank wine, attended weddings, and enjoyed learning about one another.

At the end of September, four months later, Kevin had a trip to Vegas planned. The Friday night before he was going to leave he came home with a ring. I had nothing to do with picking out the ring, but I gave him two words. Simple and elegant. Oh yes, and yellow gold because the contrast makes the diamond sparkle more!

I was pretty sure he had the ring, but I was also pretty sure he was going to wait to ask me. I remember gently reminding him that it would mean a lot to my dad if he called and asked to marry me.

He grabbed the phone and went for the basement. Apparently the conversation was noted as a conversation that neither party had ever had before. My dad wished him luck waiting to ask me…Dad proposed on February 12th over canned Chinese food because he couldn’t wait.

Apparently, the Krogh women are hard to wait for. Kevin walked back up the stairs, walked into the living room, handed me the box and asked me if I’d marry him. In our living room with my cats plodding around and climbing the screens!!!

Kevin had planned to wait until Sunday and take me to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. We found out later that the restaurant isn’t open on Sundays. We didn’t really feel like a fancy dinner on a Friday night and instead we went out for wings, gyros, and beer at a local Chicago-style Italian restaurant.

Two weeks later I was laid off and I had a very emotional time relinquishing control and relying on his financial support.

Kevin said, “When I asked you to marry me is when our marriage started. We will get through this together.”

I spent the next 6 months collecting unemployment, looking for a job and trying to plan a wedding with limited funds.

After 4 jobless months, we decided that I would move upstairs in Kevin’s house to save rent. A very hard decision with two younger sisters watching and parents that I knew wouldn’t approve.

Strangely enough, the day we met with Bishop Bob to go over our wedding ceremony, was the day I found my job. Bishop Bob met me at St. Brendan’s Inn for lunch and Kevin was late because he had gotten stuck by a train on the way over. As we sat there, Bishop pulled out the draft of a job description and asked if I’d be interested. He pre-interviewed me until Kevin arrived and I submitted my resume that following Friday.

I was offered the job 2 weeks after we were married.

We were married on a typical spring Friday in Wisconsin. The morning started off cool and rainy. Kevin had taken the day off and spent the morning watching movies. My dad and I had breakfast that morning and then my mom, my maids and I went off to have our hair and nails done. We finished up the last minute details at the church and returned home to dress.

We had a very small wedding of only the closest family and friends. The whole group totaled less than 40. We had dinner before the ceremony so that our friends and family could reflect on and testify to our relationship before we committed our lives to one another.

I wore a cream cocktail dress for dinner and changed into my wedding dress at the church.

My sisters gave a joint toast of which Johanna had to give most of because Alida, my maid of honor, was crying and laughing so hard she couldn’t talk.

My dad gave a colorful toast which included a reflection on my level of maturity and knowing that I would have to marry a man with the same level of faith and life perspective, but never thinking it would be someone 11 years older than me!

Leaving cake for later, we all left for the church. I frantically changed into my dress, touched up my lipstick and carefully avoided being spotted by my soon-to-be hubby while having my pictures taken.

I took my dad’s arm, sent my soon-to-be niece down the aisle ahead of me, squared my shoulders and smiled calmly as I prepared to take my last steps as Amberly Krogh to the melody of Ave Maria.

I don’t remember much about the ceremony. I remember our readings and how my grandfather read for us. I remember how my Confirmation sponsor read our petitions and prayed for our deceased grandparents. I remember how my paternal grandparents distributed the Eucharist and how my sister read a carefully chosen devotional that Kevin and I had taken as our own. I remember holding Kevin’s hand and trying to capture every moment in my memory.

After the ceremony and pictures, it was cakes, drinks, and home to bed. We arrived home, changed into comfy clothes, opened our gifts, and then snuggled up in bed for our first night as a married couple. And there we slept some of the most peaceful sleep of our lives lying contentedly in each other’s arms happy to simply hear each other breathe.

We arose the next morning to see my extended family off. We invited my immediate family back to the house for brats and cheese curds. We spent the afternoon laughing and talking until they had to get on the road. Kevin and I finished our honeymoon packing and went to bed early.

We arose to catch our flight to Montreal, Canada were we spent two days before making our way to Quebec City, Mount Ste. Anne, and Iles de Orleans. It was a fabulous international trip for discovering the country and each other. Quebec will always have a special place in our hearts and our marriage.

The following year was full of wonderful trips, people, and experiences. We truly make the best of every moment we have with one another.

In March of 2008, the day after St. Patrick’s Day, we found out we were pregnant. After a few frightening moments in the beginning, we embarked on the amazing, emotional, and life-altering experience of pregnancy. To know one another as ministers of the sacrament of marriage as a couple is one thing. To know one another as ministers of the sacrament of marriage as co-creators is a totally different thing. What a powerful and completely holy experience.

John Ross Boerschinger, our gift from God arrived on November 28th, 2008 after 10 hours of labor and 41 weeks of love. Within hours, I compared my son’s wrinkled forehead to that of his sleeping fathers and softly chuckled at the way they were both soothing themselves by rubbing their feet together. Our son is truly the ultimate gift and culmination of our marriage covenant.

The days that followed remain a blur of fingers, toes, tears, and trust. We were each other’s rocks and each other’s respite. Watching one another embrace the role of mama and papa has deepened our love in ways that we could only have imagined.

2 years later, I can’t imagine my life without Kevin. It seems like we have known each other for so much longer and loved each other forever. In marriage we have found true love, true commitment, and true vocation. Vocation is about discipline, holiness, self-sacrifice, and the perfection of love. The vocation of marriage, like any other vocation, is not easy, but together we remind each other that it is our calling. It is the loving, gentle, all-powerful, and all-knowing call of our Father in heaven, the Giver of all good gifts.

I love you schweetie. I can’t wait for the next year and the next year and the next year and…

Thoughts for the Day

2009-04-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Daybook – April 29th, 2009
Thank you again to Holly (www.fallingupwardholly.blogspot.com) and Peggy (http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/) for hosting!

Outside My Window ...
Believe it or not, it's been months since I opened the blinds in my office. John Ross was here with me for awhile and he could nap in the light. I was also pumping breastmilk and figured that I wouldn't make the best impression with parishioners if I was exposed with the blinds open...as I open them today I see a beautiful white daffodil and a welcome blue sky!!!

I am listening to...
The buzzing sounds of my office. Staff, parishioners, and questions of maximum importance like, "Why is the copier making that clicking noise?". I'm also listening to my IPOD playing "River of Dreams" by Billy Joel. My dad is a big fan and it is a blessed reminder of the simpler days of my childhood. One night Mom and Dad woke us all up, cracked the stereo and danced around the house with us!

To be Fit and Happy….
I exercised on Monday night, but after a night of teething screams didn't have much energy for it last night. Perhaps a lovely walk in the sunshine this afternoon with my little man!

I am thankful for ...
2 unbelievable years of marriage. Praise God the Giver of all good gifts!

From the kitchen ...
Baby rice cereal...we're just exploring the experience of eating right now...no nutritional value so to speak...next up: fresh butternut squash! For mommy and daddy: Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies! Mmmm!

I am wearing ...
Some of my frumpier work clothes. But I went with an orange t-shirt under my cream cardigan and dressed it up with my silver love knot necklace from Kevin.

I am creating ...
Materials to recognize our long-standing members at a luncheon this weekend. What a beautiful parish and history these people have created for my family!

On my iPod...
My "upbeat" playlist to help me wade through my morning at the office!

Towards a real education ...
Kevin and I are using a new couples devotional book before bedtime. I don't have the best regular prayer discipline and this is helping me to learn as well as helping me to learn about my husband, my marriage and myself.

Bringing beauty to my home ...
Hmmm...this might need to be the subject of my afternoon. I have just been trying to keep the baby stuff out of the thoroughfare so as to protect adult toes and kitty tails.

I am reading ...
"Brave New Family"...a compiliation of GK Chesterton's reflections on marriage and family life. Awesome!

I am hoping and praying….
That the Lord leads us in His way and His time to decisions about our livelihood and our home. A 70-year-old house and the prospect of more little ones leaves a lot to be considered and prayed about.

Around the house ...
Swiffering our laminates...I just can't seem to get this regular task to happen regularly...it doesn't help that my hubby has trouble with coordinating the Swiffering motion...

One of my favorite things ...
My women's ministry mornings!!! I haven't hosted one since before John Ross' arrival, but I have 4 of them on the calendar for next year! I can't wait!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Finishing touches for the long-standing member luncheon...some time with the hubby...

Picture Thoughts

My mom...I love her dearly and can't wait until June when she is officially only 3 hours away! Not only is she a best friend, but she is a wellspring of hope and help!

Chaos...

2009-02-16T12:36:00.000-08:00

Today's Question: How do you define chaos?

Chaos: Using Microsoft Word to process 2800 pages worth of stewardship commitment cards. (MS Word was NEVER designed to handle that kind of load...)

Chaos: Thinking I'd get said commitment cards printed before noon.

Chaos: Trying to convince 1,100 mass attendees to stay for an extra FIVE MINUTES to view a slideshow of the parish's annual stewardship report of activities and statuses for the past year.

Chaos: Our bedroom floor in light of said annual report.

Chaos: Getting oneself involved in stewardship month, Lent, and Confirmation...all which occur within 3 weeks of each other.

Chaos: Trying to pull off the annual parish stewardship renewal with an 11-week-old baby.

Chaos: Taking an 11-week-old out 6 out of 8 nights in a row (in light of in-laws, friends, and work).

Chaos: The lack of completed chores (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, meals, bills, etc.)and the lack of sleep that leads to a tearful break at 11 o'clock on a Sunday night.

Chaos: What happens to your brain when you try to be Super Wife, Super Mom, and Super Lay Minister all at the same time.

Order: Reminding oneself that God is ultimately in control and that trying to make everything happen on your schedule is a futile and often painful exercise that is much harder than just letting go and letting God.

Yes, It's All True

2009-01-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

I usually hate these things, but this one seemed fun. I'm not going to tag anyone because that annoys me, but perhaps it will inspire you anyways!

Rules: Write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1) I am a junk food addict. Strange, I know, since I am all about the healthy lifestyle, but if I had it my way it would be McDonalds and Cheetos all the time!

2) I really want to be a writer, but I can never seem to make the time to write. Admittedly, it is probably by choice, but with a baby nothing is really by choice! My goal is to have something written and published by the end of 2009.

3) I am definitely a moderate. I believe in all things progressive, but realize that the precedent of the past is an important guiding principle. Those who have gone before us have a significant advantage on us...they've actually done it...

4) I never believed in "falling in love"...until I met my husband...

5) I've never been to Vegas and I have no desire to go. However, my husband is a Vegas junkie...here's hoping for a hotel with a spa and a killer hot tub!

6) I am an introvert trained extrovert. Thanks Dad...I enjoy being with people and I am really good at it, both personally and professionally, but it takes a ton of energy away from me and I'd much prefer to be alone working on a project by myself.

7) I hate making phone calls. Consider it a symptom of my generation. I don't mind getting calls, but I hate actually initiating them. Somehow I feel out of place...

8) I never expected to live in Green Bay. Initially it was just a good starting point. And yet, today, I couldn't imagine living anywhere else and my goal in life would be to stay here and raise my family.

9) I can have 20 different balls in the air at the office and my desk stays organized, but if I have more than 3 things going on at home the house gets out of control...apparently that fits my Meyer-Briggs personality type...

10) I believe that a person can do the same job in athletic pants that they can in a suit. Isn't a dress code just another kind of discrimination? Essentially it's saying you can't do the job if you don't look the part.

11) I hate to exercise...but I love to feel healthy...my goal is to lose my baby weight by summer and I know I can because I lost the same amount right before I got pregnant.

12) I eventually want to stay home with my kiddos and I feel guilty that I am not making it possible to do so right now and yet, I firmly believe that we have discerned God's plan for the current moment.

13) I love to sew, scrapbook, decorate, cook and bake. Someday I'd like to start a business where I can do all of these things for money...anyone have any thoughts as to what that would be???

13) I married my mother...well, not really, but I've come to the conclusion that I am definitely my father's daughter and I have married a man with the interests of my dad, but the practical habits of my mother...it's really strange.

14) I now understand the purpose of the "coffee klatch"...I actually look forward to sitting with other moms and talking about our children's habits...

15) I have to sleep with the closet doors closed or I have panic attacks in the middle of the night.

16) I actually enjoy strategic planning...it's an illness I think...

Wow...August...That's Pathetic...

2008-12-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I haven't posted since August! So sorry people!!!

Well, as you can see, our life has been busy! John Ross Boerschinger was born on November 28th, 2008!!!! He is such a sweetheart!!!

I decided I wanted to take the opportunity to blog about our birth and adjustment experience. I don't want to get so far away from it that I forget!

We were told by our doctor that if baby was more than a week late, we were encouraged to induce. This was not something I was hugely in favor of, but I trust my doctor explicitly and I figured she knew better than I. We opted for an induction the day after Thanksgiving. We spent our last night as "just the two of us" at my in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner (small for me) and a game of cards. I was SO ready for the baby to arrive!!!

We awoke at 5:00 on Friday morning. We had a hearty breakfast of eggs, fried potatoes and toast and then headed off to the hospital. We arrived to discover that our doctor had accidently called our orders into the other hospital in our network and had to wait while they had the orders transferred to our hospital.

At about 7:30 they hooked me up to the monitors for my contractions and the baby's heartbeat and started the pitocin to induce contractions. I was already having small contractions fairly regularly, but not enough to know when things were going to pick up. Kevin and I spent the morning watching TV, the movie Elf, and just talking. I enjoyed several yummy popsicles...:)

At about 11:30 Dr. Mary arrived to check on my progress. I was already 2-3 centimeters and she asked our permission to break my water. After breaking my water, the contractions got stronger. They were still tolerable, but definitely more intense. We switched our viewing choice over to a Deadliest Catch marathon.

About 1:30, the pain started to intensify to a point where I couldn't focus or relax as much as I would have liked. We consulted with our nurse and although we had hoped to go completely natural, we opted for a dose of the narcotic Nubane. It immediately started working. Not only did it focus the pain to a point that I could breathe through, but it allowed me to relax to the degree that I slept through the time between contractions. Kevin was a rock. He stood beside me the entire afternoon and provided both mental and physical support (I literally pushed against his hands as a breathed through contractions). I think Kevin had the more intense experience to be completely honest.

About 4:00, I opted for a second dose of Nubane. Again, I was trying really hard not to have an epidural, so this was a good option. Although the second dose isn't quite as effective as the first due to the stage of labor, it definitely helped.

Much to all of our surprise, I was started to feel the urge to push. Our nurse, Jacqueline, helped us through the first hour or so of pushing. By about 5:00, it was clear that baby was ready to come. It got a bit frenzied toward the end because it all happened faster than we expected. They had to call Dr. Mary down from the desk 3 times because it happened THAT fast. When she arrived in the room it was about 3 pushes and he arrived!!! The last 20 minutes or so all I kept saying was, "I can't do this...I just can't keep going...it isn't going to happen", but Kevin kept encouraging me and telling me how he could see the head. I couldn't have done it without him. Seriously...John Ross Boerschinger was born at 5:37 p.m. after only 10 hours of labor!

When John was born it was several minutes before I even thought to ask what HE was! They put him on my chest and I just kept saying, "Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby..." It was truly amazing! Kevin couldn't believe how quickly I went from "I can't do this" to "That wasn't so bad", but truly, the experience was so powerful. I've read and heard from several sources that birth is the completion of the female sexual experience and I can totally support that idea. It is amazing to be a co-creator of this little being.

Our first night was a bit surreal. I was on a bit of a high and Kevin was SO exhausted. Like I said before, I think his experience was actually more intense than mine...but he was amazing and no one has a husband as fabulous as mine. It was a little challenging because the nurses are constantly in and out of the room and John was still adjusting to life outside the womb.

I did start nursing him almost right away. He and I spent much of the night trying to figure out the whole feeding/eating thing. He slept through most of the night and although I tried, I don't think the hospital bed manufacturers have actually ever slept in one of them...the second night I opted for a spot next to my hubby on the pull-out sofa in the room.

We had a few visitors on Saturday and spent the day adjusting to the idea that we were parents...diapers, feedings, little fingers, little toes...crazy!

On Sunday John had started to show a bit of jaundice, but they discharged us and made us an appointment to see the pediatrician the next day to check on it. Walking out of the hospital as 3 instead of 2 was completely unreal. Both of us were very emotional for the first few days. There was lots of laughter and lots of tears as we tried to make the adjustment.

On Monday we saw the pediatrician and were given the green light on his jaundice. He had already lost 1 of his 8 lbs which isn't unusual, but it is slightly more than they would have liked.

John didn't take to nursing very well. This was really sad for me. I had really wanted to nurse him for awhile, but despite lots of effort and suggestions from the lactation specialist, he wasn't seeming to get enough to eat or enough sleep. So, I've opted for supplementing. I pump breastmilk to make half of his bottles and use formula for the other half. It really broke my heart the first time he took a bottle. No matter what I told myself, I felt like I had failed him.

In truth, what I discovered, was that I had met his needs in a way that only a mother could. After several teary nursing sessions and the pathetic "I'm hungry" cries that he gave me, how could I do anything but whatever was necessary to meet his little needs? If that meant formula, how could I feel guilty. After a day, he was a completely different baby. He was content, eating well, and sleeping peacefully. I couldn't argue. And truthfully, any amount of breastmilk he gets is amazing for his little body. Any amount he gets is giving him the antibodies he needs.

Some women believe that breastfeeding and attachment parenting are the only "Catholic" way to care for a baby. It is certainly one great way to do so, but it is not the way that we choose to parent. We assessed our baby's needs and responded in a way that tells him that we will provide whatever he needs. It is easy to feel guilty or less qualified when you are being told that this is the best way to be a mom, but in truth, I know by my baby's response, that I did exactly what all those mom's are telling me only their method provides; a sense of commitment, attachment, attention, and love.

I type this because I have heard too many new moms, including myself, feel guilty because of comments other mom's have made about decisions we've made. We need to support each other as best we can in whatever parenting style we choose. New moms need confidence, not questioning, and I wanted to share our story as a positive and supportive witness.

Truly, becoming a parent is transformational. My marriage is completely different and so much stronger. I am even more in love with my husband and in a way so deep I couldn't even imagine. It changes what you think about and when you think about it. It changes how you function mentally and physically. It is overwhelming and intimidating, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Baby Update...

2008-08-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, long time with no update...here goes!

Baby's room is done. Painted, that is. The stripes turned out beautifully and it looks just wonderful with the woodwork and all of the natural light in that room. We still have to clean out one of the "bachelor" closets to make room for baby, but we still have three months. Furnishing is also still in process, but we figure we'll wait until the shower in October to finalize those things.

Yes, I said 3 MONTHS! Our due date is three months from this past Saturday! It is amazing how quickly the time has passed. We had our third (and hopefully final) ultrasound on Friday to check on a small cyst that had previously been noticed on baby's brain. The cyst, as expected, had disappeared as baby grew. Baby was 2 pounds 1 ounce and in the 49 percentile for growth. We are so very pleased! We got to see baby open and close his/her mouth, but didn't get a completely clear shot because it was giving us an elbow to look at! I am feeling a lot of movement now as baby becomes more active. Kevin is also able to feel (and recently SEE!) a lot of the baby's movements. It is kind of strange to look down in the middle of a strategic planning meeting and see your stomach literally rolling...sometimes hard to keep a train of thought on track!

I am feeling well. I can't stand for as long of periods of time as before and I do have some trouble with leg cramping and pulling hips during the night, but overall I am quite healthy. So far no sugar or protein issues, healthy weight gain, and no fluid retention. I still have a lot of energy and feel like my brain is shifting into a good "mommy rhythm". I may not have as much energy as before, but I seem to be able to prioritize, remember, and accomplish more of my household tasks on a more regular basis. I guess it must be one of the ways that God blesses us in preparation for our little ones!

Besides baby, and amongst a large strategic planning process that I am co-chairing here at the parish, I am preparing for the International Catholic Stewardship Conference in Chicago in October. Not only were Bishop Morneau and I asked to present a seminar at the conference, but our parish was also selected to exhibit some of our stewardship materials and information during the conference. We've also applied for an award for our annual stewardship renewal materials. Suffice it to say, I've been busy and it isn't going to slow down anytime before baby arrives!

Kevin is also doing well. He is VERY busy with the start of his fall class, teaching Confirmation, finishing some big house projects before winter, and of course, working. He is now working 4 10-hour work days which is a blessing. This summer I have been able to spend Friday afternoons with him and after baby arrives we'll have one more day of childcare covered (my biggest worry at the moment). He was working nearly that much already, so this is just a nice configuration change. He is also gearing up for hunting season...He's got to get the big one early this year just in case Baby B decides to come right on time!!!

So, that is our story. For the most part, healthy and happy and ready to welcome the newest blessing of our marriage. God is providing for us in powerful ways and there aren't enough ways for us to show our gratitude.

We hope this message finds you well and blessed. Please feel free to pass it along!

Hugs and Prayers,

Amberly and Kevin and Baby Yet to be Named (oh, and our kitties too...they'd feel really bad if they didn't at least get a mention in the by-line! They are already a little wary of the impacts of the "furless wonder" they can sense is impending...)

Internal Blahs in the Heat of Summer

2008-07-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

Well, what more can I say? I have a case of the inner blahs...

I feel like I have a lot to do.
None of it is any fun.
I prefer to do other things.
I cook, I bake, and I organize random areas of the house that are not priorities.
Then I rest because I can't work at any one thing for more than 20 minutes without a rest.
None of the things that need to get done do.
And yet I feel like I am always working at something.

And the vicious cycle continues.

I like to believe scheduling my tasks on my Outlook calendar will help. At least I can't pretend to forget about the tasks, just push them off ONE MORE DAY...

Any suggestions?

Caffeine, alcohol, or high sugar incentives are not eligible for consideration.

You've got to stand for something...

2008-07-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

...or you'll fall for anything.

Yep, once again, the country music scene has the sentiment correct.

I don't care where you stand on the Obama/McCain debate. The reality is that we aren't getting anything out of their multi-million dollar campaigns that could be dreamed up by a technical writer with an active imagination. It is all a bunch of feel-good, tell-me-what-I-want-to-hear-and-don't-let-it-hurt, mumbo-jumbo.

The following passages came from an article in this week's Newsweek.

"It is one of our fondest political myths that elections allow us collectively to settle the "big issues." The truth is that there's often a bipartisan consensus to avoid the big issues, because they involve unpopular choices and conflicts. Elections become exercises in mass evasion; that certainly applies so far to the 2008 campaign..."

So in essence, the political environment is just a macro version of middle school. The most popular people say enough to set themselves apart from the wallflowers, but avoid anything that makes them too unique for the other loud-mouths. Fortunately, many students outgrow these platitudes when they enter high school. That or at least they find a group of others who truly share their opinion, seek to explore its depths further, and come out even stronger on their particular point. Unfortunately, I don't think our presidential candidates ever mentally graduated the eighth grade...

But let's not place all of the blame on the candidates...WE are the ones telling them what WE want to hear...and our demands are exactly sensical...

"People complain about governmental gridlock. But what often obstructs constructive change is public opinion. The stalemates on immigration and retirement spending are typical. We avoid messy problems; we embrace inconsistent and unrealistic ambitions. We want more health care and lower health costs; cheap energy and less dependence on foreign energy; more government spending and lower taxes. The more unattainable our goals, the more we blame "special interests," "lobbyists" and other easy scapegoats."

Look, if you expected life to be all roses, guess what? It is. By any standard, Americans live in the proverbial land of milk and honey. But the reality is simply this, you can't live an oxy-moron. You have the best the developed world has to offer even though you don't have cheap, domestic, and renewable energy all wrapped into one neat package.

You can't have it all, so stop expecting the government to give it you. If we start setting priorities, making choices, and voicing our specific opinions, not just adolescent platitudes about the unfairness of life and our desire for utopia (duh), we might give our candidates the courage and message to show us who they really are and what they can really do and we might actually get some where.

"In this campaign, we have a candor gap. By and large, Americans want to be told what government will do for them--as individuals, families, consumers--and not what it will do for the country's long-term well-being, especially if that imposes some immediate cost or inconvenience. Grasping this, our leading politicians engage in a consensual censorship to skip issues that involve distasteful choices or that require deferred gratification. They prefer to assign blame and promise benefits. So elections come and go, there are winners and losers-- and our problems fester."

Might I conclude however, that this little article has more applications than simply the political arena. Make your words count. If you have an opinion, specific and educated, share it. That is productive. However, whatever you do, don't talk for the sake of talking. That is, unless you are sitting on a bar stool with a bunch of people who have time to listen to your random blathering.

Sometimes I wonder if we wouldn't be better suited to go back to the days of the Englightenment when dialogue and opinion was reserved for the Universities...more on that later...

"If you'd stop using your private parts as toys..."

2008-06-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

"If you'd stop using your private parts as toys, you'd be a grandfather by now!" Quote about fellow driver's immaturity from truckdriver on Ice Road Truckers.

I am so tired of reading about the fight between "abstinence only" and "comprehensive sex education". I really am and here is why.

I was raised by a nurse.

It is as simple as that. From a very young age (when she was expecting my sister when I was about 3 1/2) I learned about sex. Certainly, the terms changed. I specifically recall, "special hug" being a phrase used for my growing toddler mind. But my parents never shied away from teaching us about sex and our bodies.

When I got to pre-adolescence, my mother bought me a book about my body during puberty and opened up the dialogue. I read about things like masturbation and contraception (natural and artificial) and I asked questions. She answered them. Dad answered them (sometimes with discomfort, but never a refusal). Mom taught in my health classes at the Catholic school. I distinctly remember a hands on tampon demonstration with a glass of water that was a huge hit for the gathered group of young women. At 13, I knew more about sex and my body than most 65 year old women.

But my mother also taught me respect. She taught me that my body, like hers and my dad's, was special and unique. She taught me that I need to learn my body and trust it above all. She taught me that someday I could carry a child. She taught me an undying respect for the procreation process and for the man that was going to walk that journey with me; my husband.

The reality is that there is no avoidance of knowledge in this day and age. So how to we manage their acquisition of knowledge? How do we want them to learn about sex and all that goes with it? They are going to learn it, but do we want them to learn it with an attitude of respect and awe, or from an attitude of flippance and disregard. If we don't teach them about condoms, they are still going to know they exist. But do we want them to view condoms as candy: quick, convenient, and with little consequence, or do we want them to view condoms as expensive champagne: available, but much too costly in multiple respects??? (I don't want any grief over comparing condoms to expensive champagne...I am not making a complete analogy here, just partial...I am not implying that condoms should be considered a luxury for special occassions...so don't be so silly as to suggest it.)

There is a physiological science as well as a material science involved in sex education. Sex during fertile days without natural (abstinence) or artificial contraception makes babies. To deny that is to show a certain level of ignorance. My point is, the knowledge is available, but should the debate hinge on the level or amount of scientific and material sex knowledge a program provides, or how the act of sex itself affects the person and interpersonal relationships?

First teach them the respect, then give them the knowledge, then give them some credit.

I am sure that most will find it interesting that my parents chose to use birth control. I did not know this until I had to wrangle with the idea of birth control to manage a health condition at the age of 18. Even as an adult, we had conversations around the issue. She supported me when I reluctantly (on moral grounds) chose to begin taking "The Pill" and she supported me when I triumphantly chose to quit "The Pill" because of the way it was affecting the natural rhythms, physcial and emotional, of my body.

If I hadn't been taught about all of my options I might have felt trapped, confused, and alone when faced with such difficult medical decisions. Instead, I made two opposite choices that I have never regretted and in fact, I have felt empowered by. Moreover, I was a virgin on my wedding night even though I had learned about artificial contraception and sex. And if that isn't enough, I can now personally testify to my husband,that NFP is the ONLY way to go for us because I refuse to be controlled by a substance that also impedes my ability to accept the gift of children God wants to bestow on me.

And I don't want to hear, "...you're different..." or "...you're special..." or "...you're an exception...". The only reason I am different, special, or an exception is because somebody taught me to be.

I don't want to teach my kids to simply avoid sex or use a condom. I want to teach them to be different and special by respecting themselves, a future spouse, and the amazing emotional and physical union that is sex.

My TODAY Show Obsession...

2008-05-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

I blame my mother.

In my case, there aren't very many things I'd use the words "blame" and "mother" for in the same sentence, but I think even she would have to accept fault for this one.

I am a TODAY Show junky!!!

That's right! I'll admit it. A morning is not complete without a hour or so of the TODAY Show.

I wake each morning at approximately 6:30.

Out of bed at 6:45 to make Kevin his instant oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee. I typically toss a Toaster Strudel or a bagel in the toaster and reach for my share of the coffee (nowadays I reach for luxury of the top-shelf orange juice bottle...) I pad my way from the kitchen to our living room couch and coffee table. I dig, sometimes frantically, for the missing remote, longing for the familiar warm buzz of the TV warming up. As I flip closer to my favorite channel, I catch fragments of other news shows and balk at their punny, childish attempts to sway my loyalty with witty "millenial" batter and snazzy graphics. I land on NBC26 and settle comfortably into the first 15 minutes of news and updates while munching away at my solid sustinance. By the time the vitals are over, I cast aside my slippers, tuck my feet up underneath me, pull the fleece blanket across my lap, and begin the beverage portion of my flight service. For the next 45 minutes I move in and out of current events, entertainment, health updates, stock reports, and political exposes with my favorite morning people Matt, Meredith, Ann and Al. By 8:00 I am prepared to truly begin my day.

And the only person I can imagine blaming for this is my mother. She branded me with countless mornings of Katie, Bryant, Matt, Al, and Ann all depending upon the year. I don't remember a single morning that started with *gasp* Good Morning America *gulp*.

Now, I know how product marketing works. If your mother used Tide regularly, you are likely to do the same. If your father used Dial soap, you are likely to buy it for your husband. Do networks realize how this works to their advantage??? Did I actually fall for a generational marketing scheme??? I mean, seriously. I am the same with my news. Doesn't matter the market, NBC always seems to have the best news for me.

Either way, I am hooked. Way to go NBC. Here is your props. Take it and run because I am a fickle friend and the whole political campaign coverage issue is biting at my ankles...

Maternity Leave - Expansion

2008-05-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay..."tonight" apparently meant something else to my brain.

Kevin and I have had several conversations about maternity leave since my last post. We've concluded 2 things.

#1: Men and women are both equally deserving of paid parental leave in order to best fulfill their callings as father and mother.

#2: I can only talk about my frustration for so long before I need to do something or become like every other whiny American.

In regards to the second point, I've made the first step beyond talking. I mentioned my concern to my boss, the pastor of our parish. I don't think he was really even aware of the situation or even the possible need. I simply expressed a concern that our maternity policy practice does not align congruently with our moral and doctrinal stand on family life. I acknowledged that I certainly have leave, and am grateful for it, but that I have additional concerns for and beyond my own personal situation.

I also mentioned that although the pattern of employment on our parish staff is that of older women beyond their maternity years, both myself and the newest addition to our staff are and very easily could be eligible for this type of benefit over the course of the next few years. This needs to be considered as more than a current employee issue, but also as an issue of attracting more young and fresh blood to this career that is Catholic ministry. It is hard for any young person to consider working for the church when they consider the hours, the minimal pay, and the expensive benefits. A benefit like this paired with the job-flexibility that many parish jobs provide might just be enough to sway some otherwise elusive candidates.

I don't anticipate any significant movement on my concern before our baby arrives. That being said, it sounds like the issue may come to light at our next human resources committee meeting. I can only hope that this is the first step in a powerful witness to putting our collective Catholic money where our large Catholic mouth is. I'll keep you updated.

On a more inspirational note, I came across this beautiful quote the other day that brought further meaning to my cause, but more importantly my vocation.

"A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body."
-- Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty

As for the continued conversation on feminism, there is a great article about the phenomenon of feminism in the Catholic realm called "Is it Time to Dump Feminism?" here: http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3324&Itemid=121&ed=3

Maternity Leave - Talkback

2008-05-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

I typically post my reflections both here and on my facebook page and these are some of the comments I have collected through that page. They provide some interesting reading. A follow-up/expansion is in the works for this evening...stay tuned.

That's absolutely MAD! Across the board women in Ireland get 26 weeks statutory paid maternity leave... and get this... Northern Irish women get 39 weeks statutory paid! The organisation subsidises our entitlement so women in Ireland can get the same as Northern Ireland. Can't believe you have to make that choice!

You should send this to the Bishop or The Compass. We ran into this same problem when Joseph was considering working for Church and we looked at the insurance plan (in GB) and found that is was crap and would run a family into the ground. I do think, however, some Churches do give some paid leave--it is just not required by the diocese. It is so important for our Church to have leaders who show good example to the masses. When you create an enviorment where the only people who can work for the Church must be those who are not the family breadwinner, but those bringing in a supplemental income, you disqualify so many gifted people who may be called to lead the faithfull:( I remember when I was in my first year of working for the Church, with a masters degree mind you, and Joseph and I were dating--he had to pay my rent some months because I was not making it. If we believe motherhood is the spiritual gift of the woman, we must start acting like it!!

the sad truth is that on issues of just wage and fair treatment of employees the Churches stance is basically, "Do as I say, not as I do." It sucks, but there you have it.

My response to the previous comment:
And that's okay with us? I guess my point is, we, parishioners, are the church. We as members of the Body and members of our parish committees, staffs, and ministries have the power to raise the questions and the issues. Not only that, but we as members of the parish have the ability to contribute in idea and finance to causes we feel are important by way of our contributions both monetary and intellectual. In fact, in our parish it would be a great question of stewardship. To a certain extent if we don't voice a dissatisfaction with the lack of hierarchical congruency between word and deed, why should we expect anything to change?

Unpaid Maternity Leave...To Work or To Work?

2008-05-04T20:51:00.001-07:00

So, I have a bit of a soapbox...it is one that has been rolling around in my head for weeks now.

Kevin and I are expecting our first baby in November...and I have NO paid maternity leave. Given, I am entitled to up to 12 weeks of Family/Medical Leave, but need I remind anyone that it is UNPAID??? Now, my salary is far from bread-winning, but it is certainly a supplement. Yes, I have 3 1/2 combined weeks of vacation and sick days, but that is only if I don't take any between now and then...

Need I mention that I work for the Catholic Church? The Catholic Church is by most standards the organization at the very top of the moral high ground when it comes to fertility and family life. It is an organization whose values, to even the least educated, include no artificial birth control and marriage vows that include a commitment to "willing accept children and raise them in the faith."

"The family is the cornerstone of the Church," the documents read.

And, "parents are the primary educators of their children."

And yet as an organization we have no PAID maternity leave?

If the the Catholic Church as an organization does not support paid maternity/paternity leave how are we to expect any secular organization or government to do so?

Some of you may be saying, "Wait, several European countries have paid maternity leave and even special incentives for bearing children." Let's be clear. This has nothing to do with the church and everything to do with their plummeting birth rates. True, the US and Australia are the only two developed nations in the WORLD that don't have some form of a paid maternity leave. However, it is also no coincidence that we haven't seen significant decreases in our birth rate. Don't worry, we will. And as soon as we do the government will decide what a fabulous idea maternity leave and child-bearing incentives are. We're so progressive...

Companies that have independently planned and funded maternity leave for their employees have seen great responses. They see more men and women returning following their periods of leave which means less turnover. They've also seen an increase in women in their higher level positions because women stay...what a concept!!!

I have to wonder though...did we women bring this upon ourselves? I think our lack of maternity leave and to be quite honest, the lack of effort toward it, was carved into stone during the feminist movement of the former generations. For years we women tried to tell society that we were equals and that there was no difference between men and ourselves.

In my opinionated reality, we don't want to be equals. All we wanted was a fair chance at voting, jobs, wages, benefits, and opportuties to advance. That does not equate to equal. It equates to fair chances for inherent dignity and a job well done by woman or man, black or white, Muslim or Christian.

But really, whatever happened to, "I am woman, hear me roar"? I am woman. I am beautiful. I have curves that no man could ever bear presence to. I have a thought process that few men or computer can master let alone understand. I can carry a life within my womb for 9 months and then give birth by shear will and strength. No man can ever do that.

Why would I want to be considered his equal? Why wouldn't I want the special treatment that is due to me after pushing something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon? Why wouldn't I want 3 months of nourishing my child and bonding with it to be considered "my job" and be paid accordingly? Ladies, in some ways we are simply superior and deserve to be treated as more than an equal. And this is one of them.

I am not equal. I am different. I will work hard to earn my keep, but I believe that my work, especially for the Church, is not simply what I do from 9-5, and should be compensated as such when I am a part of an organizaton that values my contributions both as employee and (at least according to their documents) as a mother.

I'm not the only one with eyes on this issue...here's the blog post from BBC News that inspired me to actually move from thinking to writing on this topic...http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/nickbryant/2008/05/baby_bonus_blues.html

And ladies, you may not have a "bun in the oven" yet, but I guarantee you that when your time comes you will be wondering many of the same things.

So let's step up. Let's ask our government and our companies to dance. Let's claim our femininity and its rights. These curves can take whatever you throw at them.

11 Words of Vocation

2008-05-04T20:50:00.001-07:00

Our vocation is “to respond fully to the spiritual fullness in our immediate situation.”

These words were shared with Kevin and I at a recent business dinner. Our pastor stopped in the middle of dinner, quoted these words, and asked for our thoughts.

These 11 words could merit an entire dissertation.

And yet, somehow, it spoke to the very thing Kevin and I have been struggling with. Both of us have a tendency to get caught up in the "what ifs". We also get caught up in what we need to do next.

Can you imagine what it would truly mean to "respond fully to the spiritual fullness in our immediate situation"??? Let's just evaluate a few pieces...

"Respond fully..." That means that we turn our complete attention to the moment or issue at hand. There is not room for a half-hearted effort. We cannot be distracted by our other issues.

"Spiritual fullness..." We must be aware of and respond to God in each situation. This means forming a discerning conscience and spirituality that is prepared to identify the spiritual fullness of a given moment or situation. Spiritual fullness is also not a quantitative statement...meaning that spiritual fullness may be obvious or it may require additional prayer and discernment.

"Immediate situation..." Doesn't this mean completely re-ordering our lives in order to respond to the immediate situation? I believe it would mean a severe simplification and discipline of living in order to have the emotional and mental wherewithall and presence of mind to respond to the immediate situation. You don't get to "think about it" or "take a minute". You must clarify your life and your priorities ahead of time and then trust the movement of the Holy Spirit.

How prepared are we to live this definition of vocation?? I am pretty sure I am not as much as I might like to be. It certainly seems like the way I want to live. It sures seems a lot simpler and less manic than our current pace of life in the long run. I suppose the question now is, how do I get there???

The only answers I can come up with are prayer, trust, and the very grace of God. Probably in the reverse order...

Long Time...No Blog...

2008-05-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

I guess I've just been busy...March and April virtually disappeared in all of the planning and execution of our parish's Stewardship Month.

But...I'm back now! With a vengence! And a baby-on-board!

So that is the topic of this first long-anticipated diatribe...our baby!!!

Before anyone asks, natural family planning (NFP) worked just perfectly. We used the standard days method for the first 9 months of our marriage and decided this spring that we were ready to welcome a baby into our marriage. And if you know anything about NFP, once you've determined your fertile days it is pretty straightforward when you start trying to conceive...as long as everything is healthy. Many health professionals are now recommending NFP methods as methods of conception not just prevention.

So no, NFP worked great! We still swear by it and I have every intention of going back to it after this baby.

That little soapbox aside, the next question is, how do we feel about being parents?

We are thrilled! We feel so blessed. I think we were both surprised at how easy it was with all of the stories of infertility floating around us. We can't wait to welcome our new little life.

We are anxious...what is it going to feel like? Why did that happen? Is the baby healthy? All sorts of questions are swirling around us and causing constant thoughts and conversations.

We are thoughtful. What does this mean for our marriage? How will it change our relationship? Did we make the best of our time as a couple? What kind of marriage do we want to have after the baby comes? We love each other and want the best for our family and our marriage.

I am sick. There are days when I wonder if I will ever want to have another baby. I feel like I am in an alien body. There is no rhyme to my rhythms. There is no way to prevent my all-day sickness. There is no way to anticipate my teary responses to the slightest comment. I have sore hips and I am constantly using the restroom. AND I'M NOT EVEN SHOWING YET!!! I am beside myself just wanting to get back to some semblence of normal. And then I realize that my estimation of normal is never going to measure up again...cue teary response.

And yet, we are grateful. More than anything we are SO grateful. God has given us an amazing gift to care for. He has given us the great joy of loving and guarding this child of His on this earth for however long He intends. He has given me the strength and the breath to nurture this child for the past 11 weeks. He gives us each beat of our baby's heart which is strong and beautiful. God gives us our wonderful family who is showering us with love, support and affection.

And our heavenly Father has given us each other. Kevin is a gift for which I cannot even find the words. Our marriage is a foundation that will sustain us through anything. My vocation is first as humble daughter of the Most High, second as loving wife to my husband, and third as dedicated mother of the child in my womb.

Stewardship of Winter

2008-02-20T07:32:00.001-08:00

Tired of shoveling? Yes, I think most of us are tired of most things winter. I woke up this week to water flowing into our front room from the ice-dammed eaves. After removing every piece of furniture, relocating the cats, and sopping up the water-logged carpet, I sat down for a sip of cold coffee. As I sat there seething about our 70-year-old house and all of its wonderful “charm”, I looked out the window.

There to greet me was the most beautiful sight of snow blanketed trees and icicle draped homes. As the February sun fell warmly upon my lap, I realized that amidst all of my griping I had forgotten to thank God for this beautiful gift.

If you are like me, and perhaps you saw your kids’ snow day as anything but a “day off” or like my husband, you have retired from snow removal “…even if it means never leaving the house again!” here’s a thought for you. Even snow is a gift from God. A snow day can mean a few stolen moments with our children, our spouse, or even a good book. Snow removal can build our physical health or allow us to reach out to a neighbor. It just depends on how you look at it.

How do you handle the “snow” in your life? With griping or gratitude?

My "March for Life"...What's Yours?

2008-01-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

I read a wonderful piece this morning on the pro-life march in Washington. It really brought a different thought process to my end of the dialogue.

http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2372&Itemid=48

For those of you, much like me, who don't have enough time to link to the article and read it (although I highly recommend doing so), the just of the article is as follows. Why does the march end at the steps fo the Supreme Court and not the steps of the Capital? The pro-life efforts must first be legislative not judicial. If they are judicial we simply lay any decision that is made in our favor in the path of overturning. This is the same reason we have hopes for the overturning of Roe v. Wade. And that is why he didn't march this year. Now Steve Skojec is much more eloquent and detailed in his writing on this issue, but I hope I've acurately represented the basic tenets of his thoughts.

And here is my response...

What an interesting viewpoint and addition to the pro-life dialogue. I have often felt an outsider because I don't march or pray outside the clinics. It isn't because I don't think there is a place for it, but because I find that God is calling me with my gifts and talents to serve in other capacities for the cause...like changing diapers, feeding "birdy" mouths at midnight, and contorting my 24-year-old body into a commercial airplane...

You see, I come from a family that cares for foster children. I come from a family that when the youngest biological child was 17, my parents adopted a 2-year-old boy who was in their care. I come from a family that regularly witnesses to this ministry to faithful and unchurched alike. It is that kind of pro-life witness that changes hearts. I've seen it.

There is a much bigger illness in the world that can't simply be changed through legislation. All the laws and enforcement in the world will not change the mind of a desperate, jobless, mother of five when she discovers she is pregnant with number 6. Laws won't soothe the heart, mind, and soul a women faced with an unexpected life in her womb when she must make the choice to carry her baby 10 months to term and then be tragically seperated from it in its better interest or to end its life before she thinks she will bond with it, forever scarring herself and her relationship with the world.

I suppose, at least in my mind, it comes down to one thing. We are Catholic. We are all parts of one body and the hand does not serve the same purpose as the foot. However, we should be aware, grateful, and respectful of the abilities and efforts of each part of the body, knowing that we all come from God with a unique purpose. It is out of our gratitude for God's greatest gift, life, that we must pray and serve on its behalf.

Worry Warts...

2008-01-13T13:58:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that there is no such thing as worry warts...there are worry lines...but those I can handle...

Why my sudden concern with with bumps of viral persuassion that are supposedly caused by worry? Well, maybe because I am a perpetual worrier.

Those who spend time with me may or may not realize this. I tend to be a very upbeat person, but the reality is that on the inside I am a bundle of anxiety. My upbeat nature isn't false, in fact it is my effort to change the world one crabby, anxious person at a time, but it doesn't always completely represent what is going on inside.

For example, last night, I was in a perfectly good mood. I was pleasant, jovial, and down-right pleasing to be with. And then I went to sleep. My inner being started to turn and worry and writhe. Literally I drempt about work all night...I was up every two hours...You see, we have this big survey going on at work right now that I am responsible for. So far we've had a great response so why I worry, I don't know. I just do and it affects me.

I often ask myself, knowing the internal turmoil, "Amberly, just how do you manage to get through the day without imploding???!!!" and my answer always comes back to, "Because you have faith."

Most of the time that answer from my soul isn't good enough because then I feel like I must have only a little faith if I am still anxious inside. Then there are those precious moments in life where I realize that yes, I am human. I am anxious and worried. But my faith in God's ultimate and loving plan is still there.

This from the woman who sat in the back of church pleading with God, "Your will Lord, not mine. Your will, not mine. Please, please make this work!!! Oh, and by the way, bring me peace..."

But that is what sets me apart from despair. I might not always get it right and I might not always get it complete, but I know where to turn. I know where to start. And God hasn't failed me yet. Each day I am given a new opportunity to offer my worries up to God. Each day a loving Father tries to teach me how to walk with Him and trust Him. And, I think I am learning. It is slow...probably the slowest I've ever learned something, but it is growing and God is patient.

I guess my point is, God doesn't let us get worry warts. He doesn't feel the need to give us ugly scars from our learning curve. He does however allow us to form gentle "worry lines", or as I prefer to call them "character lines". It is a reminder of His faithfulness as we try each day to bring Him more and more into our lives and offer Him our greatest hopes and our greatest fears.

And maybe someday my effort to change the world one person at a time with my upbeat attitude will do just that...it will change me.

Patience is Fleeting...

2007-12-28T13:37:00.000-08:00

I am such a crab...I am so angry at the work printer...I spend weeks designing something and getting the print setup just right...and then it takes hours to print...and my parents are on their way here and I should be home cleaning up the house...oh well, guess they are going to see it "lived in". :)

And the worst part is: I can't even think of something decent to blog about...no brain cells left...

So, instead, I decided to gripe. And yes, I feel somewhat better now.

...if only my blood pressure would drop...

A WHITE Christmas

2007-12-26T15:09:00.000-08:00

Ah, winter in Wisconsin...finally!

This is the first Christmas since I moved back to the midwest that we have had a white Christmas.

And, I am again reminded and humbled by the fact that the driveway isn't magically cleared, but painstakingly cleared by my husband late at night and early in the morning. Guess it makes that basket of laundry waiting in the basement a little more tolerable...

Despite our unusual snowfall, I am grateful this Christmas for my warm home, my loving husband, and my reasonably good health.

I just hope that the snow respects its place in this world and stays far away from the travel path of my family this weekend...or else beware the wrath of a disappointed wife, daughter, and sister!!!

My Weekly Menu

2007-12-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I should seriously be using this time to write my book, but this short form thing is way more fun!

Dinner stresses me out. I get home at 4:00 and if I don't have a plan in mind for dinner, we're doomed. I hate having to decide what to eat when I am tired from the day, I don't like having to go back out and get any missing ingredients, and I need mental time to work up to cooking after a long day. This is where the menu comes in...

Sure, it sounds antiquated...it may sound silly...but no matter what it sounds like, it works! I never understood why my mom did it. It just seemed obsessive compulsive. But I will tell you this: once you start, you'll never stop. Doing my menu eat week is comforting...it is stress relieving...and dare I say, it's fun!

Reasons for a menu:

1. You have to think ahead about what you have to each night and plan accordingly (ie: I have many 6:00 meetings...this means an early dinner and less time to prepare so quicker meals...)

2. You only have to shop once a week because you know what you are going to be eating for the week.

3. You eat sooo much healthier because you aren't as tempted to pop in a frozen dinner or order in...

4. You save money because you quickly learn how to use the early meals components or leftovers to make a completely different meal the next night!

So for the sake of example, here is my menu for the week (actually it is for about 10 days because I want to shop for Christmas at the same time...no point in extra trips during this time of year!) Enjoy!

SUN: Indian food, cous-cous, chicken

MON: (Kevin Class) Pan-fried tilapia, rice, veggies

TUES: (Am Meetings) Whole wheat spaghetti, leftover red sauce, veggies

WED: Soup from freezer, salad

THURS: (6:30 Kevin Meeting with Dentist) Cincinnati Chili

FRI: 5:30 Dinner @ Friends

SAT: Tuna toastcups, baked apples from freezer

SUN: Kevin cook, pork steaks, fried potatoes, corn

MON: (Kevin Work, 9:30) Christmas Eve @ Kevin's aunt and uncles - bring chocolate fondue and fruit for dessert

TUES: Egg sandwiches for breakfast - turkey, potatoes, veggies, and cranberry sauce for dinner

WED: Leftovers, lots of leftovers

My Hubby...

2007-12-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

Often I feel overwhelmed by my week and all of the work that needs to be done. I work all day and then I run errands and attend extra meetings before Kevin gets home. When he gets home, I cook dinner. Then I fold laundry, clean the cat box, or balance the budget. It never seems to end and I never seem to have enough time in the day or energy in my body. And then, I look over at Kevin in front of that evening's hockey game or his e-mail and I wonder to myself, "What exactly does he do for this household?"...

And then it comes to me. He: cleans the bathroom with bleach because I don't like the way it makes my hands feel, cuts the lawn, takes care of the yard, deals with the plumber and the cleanup when our old house pipes block up in our basement, changes the laundry when I am too cold or too comfy to go downstairs, puts away his laundry when I fold it, makes me tea morning, noon, and night, cooks dinner on whatever random night I put on my weekly menu, handles the construction projects in our old house, deals with the dentist when his rates have gotten astronomical, washes the dishes I seemingly ignore when I "clean" the kitchen, brings me the laptop when I am too lazy to get up and get it, takes the trashes out EVERY week on trash night, picks up whatever random ingredient i've forgotten after a long day of work and classes, and generally provides a consistent sanity to our household.

And as I sit here typing this (on our new laptop!), my husband is asking me how to make cous-cous...most men won't even EAT cous-cous...forget preparing it!

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own time and energy limitations that we fail to realize that our loved ones often give more time and energy to tasks we simply take for granted.

If only I had the discipline and joy my husband does when he does household chores...maybe I'll add that to my Christmas list.

Our Christmas Message

2007-12-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

To all our friends and family,

The snow has begun to fall softly, the scarves are drawn more tightly around our necks, and the alcohol is being poured a bit stronger. Every year this blessed season rolls around and I look forward to writing a Christmas message. Unfortunately the gift list starts to grow, the holiday parties multiply, and my anxieties about what to write increase exponentially. So this year our message is simple: God is faithful. We are grateful for both the challenges and blessings of the past year.
Let us all be mindful of the fact that God did not send us a king, a lawyer, or a corporate CEO. He sent us a baby because He knew what we needed most: love. May the love of God bring peace and joy to your hearts and home this season. Have a blessed Christ mass and a merry holy day.

Love and Prayers,Kevin and Amberly Boerschinger

A Night in the Life of Me...the Cat...

2007-12-07T13:34:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided to let Gatsby post today...he wants to offer a window into he and his sister's life...

Hello, my name is Gatsby. I am a 18 month old male cat. I am an orange tabby. I like clean litter and regular tummy scritches.

This is my pad. I spend the majority of my free-time here. When I am not here, on my papa's lap, I am usually hanging out in my room.

This is Mouse. He's my sidekick. He keeps me out of trouble.

This is my papa. He likes to play with Phil our Wii and use our computer. I like the computer, but Papa says I can't play with the Mouse. I don't understand, I'm suppose to play with Mouse...don't y ou remember the picture?

I usually take a short nap in the evening. My job as the cat of this household requires me to be awake during the night so I can watch out for things like intrusive snowflakes and evil headlights.

This is my sister Daisy. She is angry in this picture because she wants Papa's lap and I'm there. She gets a little jealous sometimes.

She is really angry now. She's contemplating eating me...or at least taking a swipe at mama's arm...

I try not to let Doo's anger phase me. She is a bit of a drama queen. Nighttime is my chance to lay back and relax. I mean, who spends all day bug-stalking to listen to his sister whine all night? I just want a nice tongue bath and a fresh bowl of food.

These are the dudes who do all the work around here. They clean my box, feed me, and freshen the water. Usually we don't see them, but this time of year they stay around. They get busy doing their annual overhaul. You know, new beds, new toys, a general cleaning of my crib...those things their holding? Yep, a new kitty structure.

Boy, this writing stuff is tough work! I don't know how my mama does it everyday!!

What! There's a squirrel under the pine tree in the front yard??? And there's a pen lying in the hallway??? What is this house coming to!!??

I'm sorry. I have to monitor this situation. Thanks for coming along for a night in my life. I hope this gives you a better understanding about the challenges that face the domestic male tabby cat.

Dsisy here...so I took care of the whole lap situation (You can only imagine the amazing power of a stragetically placed pen in this house...), but I still have one question: why wasn't I asked to contribute to this little memoir???

Marriage: Keeping it Fresh...

2007-12-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

Please note the title was not "Marriage: Getting Fresh" (get your minds out of the gutter)...and I do not intend to make any cute analogies to the best practices for keeping lettuce crispy (although, come to think of it, that would be an interesting post...I'll get back to you on that...)

No, this post is just more of a thought out loud. I often look at the marriages I admire and wonder how, after 20, 30, or 40 years of marriage, they have stayed so in love with one another. I am not saying that I don't believe in it because I believe it in wholeheartedly. I just want to know how!

I heard someone say recently about a couple with a long-standing marriage, "Oh they are just so cute! I would walk into her room [she had experienced an early stroke and was in a nursing home] and he would be holding her hand and they would be doting on one another. They just couldn't seem to keep their hands off one another."

I was moved by the recollection until she said with a laugh, "My husband and I stopped doing that 10 years ago!"

Sad!!! How does that happen?
More importantly, how doesn't it happen? What keeps those other marriages "fresh" like the newlywed years?

I hate it when men and women say to Kevin or me, "Oh, you two are still honeymooning! Isn't that sweet..." or "Aw, your first holiday together. Isn't that nice?"

Don't patronize me. I mean, they are not intending to, but I am also not intending for our honeymoon years to end. Sure, we will both change and the reasons we love each other will grow, but the reasons we got married won't. We got married because we believe that God brought us together as companions. We want to be with one another, care for one another, and raise a family together.

I think those couples who still dote on one another after 20, 30, or 40 years have figured out one thing. Love isn't about an emotional connection. If love is just about an emotional connection, it will fade because feelings and emotions are human and humans are flawed.

In my mind, Love (capital "L" versus lowercase, "I love these shoes!") must be an ongoing sacred experience. Love is our limited opportunity on earth to partake in the companionship of God. If Love is about the continual partaking in the companionship of God, it is divine and it can never end. No human struggle can drown Love. If for 40 years, amidst the joys and sorrows of family life and financial planning, you see or learn to see your marriage as partaking in the companionship of God how could you do anything but dote upon the companion God has given you?

The catch in this explanation of the "doting" phenomenon is that each person must choose to see Love in this way. Seeing Love as the the partaking in the companionship of God is not something you understand and assent to once for all time. It is a daily and sometimes hourly commitment.

So in the end I guess my mom was right. Her simple answer was, "Because Love is a choice."

Snow...I just don't know...

2007-12-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

"It's the snow! You know how I get. It's like catnip!" --Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

This quote mirrors my typical sentiment and yet, I'm not sure how I feel about the snow this year.

We had our first "big one" this past weekend. It came suddenly and with a burst of extreme cold. I was not at home for this first large snow of the season and my low level of excitement may be due to its untimely arrival.

Snow, for as long as I can remember, has regularly taught me one big lesson; SLOW DOWN. It does so in three ways.

#1 Driving. The first and most practical way snow teaches me to slow down is the fact that if you drive too quickly in it you will have an accident. Even here in the midwest where most people know how to drive in snow, the number of cars in the ditch attest to the fact that we still feel like we need to get somewhere fast instead of in one piece. I have done my share of fish-tailing, spinning my wheels, and gliding on black ice. While it is 100% true that some of this can be chalked up to the crappy dealership tires currently on my car, some of still has to do with my own sense of rushing or a stupid move of another rushing driver (cutting me off in order to pass a more cautious winter driver causing me to compress my brakes and slide not-so-gracefully onto the sleep strip of the highway...always remember, turn INTO the spin...). Slow down. The slower you are going, the less quickly you have to compress your brakes in a tight spot. The same applies to life.

#2 The "stay at home" factor. Snow makes me want to curl up on the couch or in my home office and shut down for a long winter's nap (or at least an afternoon's). Who wants to go out into traffic and crappy roads? I went out this weekend and although I had a good time, I really just wanted to hunker down in my hotel room, order local take-out, and watch stupid movies all day. This snow factor reminds me that slowing down isn't just about scheduling less or running fewer errands. It isn't just about spending less time going fast, but taking that extra time and using it to slow down our minds. Do something just for you; watch a movie, read a book, bake cookies, feed your soul.

#3 Seasonal pacing. No this isn't some psychological term I learned in a book. I experienced this firsthand. I lived in southern California for my four years of high school. Southern California has two seasons; wet and dry. The wet season probably totals no more than 30 days of anything from a gentle spritz (what we would calling heavy fog in the midwest) to a more typical downpour. The other 11 months are gorgeous. Now, I am not complaining about the weather...but I am going to point out the fact that if you don't have cold and snow you don't have a natural force slowing you down at any point during the year. Think about how quickly our lives move during the summer. The weather is warm, everybody wants to be outside, and life is grand. That feeling pervaded the entire year in Southern California. The pace might have slowed slightly due to the return of school in the fall, but then the outdoor sports kicked in. When it snows it is more challenging for us to be outdoors. It is more challenging for us to move from place to place and see people and attend events. There are at least 3 months of every year where nature forces us to slow down, sometimes even to the degree of our physical bodies (I'm not thinking of anything in particular...the nice muscle-cramping I'm getting in my shoulders from the cold that keeps me from easily reaching for the pencil container on my desk...)

The snows of the midwest pace our lives in a most significant way. It reminds us to slow down. It reminds us to move less quickly. It reminds us to take time to hunker down our minds. It reminds us to stop, warm up, and get our minds and bodies refreshed for the upcoming spring.

Maybe my lack of excitement is more a reflection of my hesitation to slow down than it is an actual distaste of the weather phenomenon because I cannot completely deny a certain measure of excitement for those first soft and delicate flakes of frozen water.

The Perfect Christmas Gift

2007-11-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

So, I have been trying to figure out how to blog about this without giving away the gift...

I guess, the best thing to say is that the best gift is usually the one that is the most thoughtful even if it isn't the most expensive one on someone's list...

And sometimes it is the most expensive one on someone's list, but sometimes God provides a little prodding in order to make your impossible plans a reality...

I have had both this season and I can't wait to see their faces as they open their gifts! That is truly a great feeling!!!

Quiet Time...

2007-11-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

First it was a trusted friend commenting on my daily need to process "stepping back and letting the Holy Spirit work"...

Then it was a practical recommendation from a resource I am using to lead a small group study.

Then it was another practical recommendation from that same resource in regards to a different strength.

Then it was a little voice in my prayer time in the shower.

I need to take time for quiet reflection.

WAIT A SECOND!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???

I am a busy person.

I have a busy schedule.

I am with people all day.

When I am not with people, I am communicating with people.

When I am not communicating with people, I am preparing notes or agendas.

When I am not preparing notes, I am preparing lunch or dinner.

If I am not preparing a meal, I am doing any number of possible tasks!!!!

WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE TIME FOR QUIET REFLECTION???

Okay, I'm done. I'm calm. Deep breath.

These messages, this theme, is a message from God. He knows better than I. If He is telling me to take quiet time who am I to question? Now, the question becomes, how do I find the time?

And the answer is...I make it.

This practice of "making time" is never mastered, but it is an important one to practice. It is a matter of reviewing my day and building it in. If it means taking my lunch into the day chapel, I schedule it in. If 4:00 rolls around, I add a few minutes onto my drive home (not hard to do when I am 3 minutes from the house...) If I have chores to do, sometimes my quiet time is over laundry (that just means I have to talk and listen instead of read or write). Sometimes it is meeting God at the sink or at the stove. Sometimes it means getting up before the sun for a quiet, extra hot shower. If it means making time before bed it may mean a little less sleep. (This same principal of "making time" is crucial to marriages as well...)

Nothing is more important than making time to talk with God and reflect on His beauty and presence. The key is that He doesn't always ask us to forego the needs of our family in order to make time for Him. He just wants your attention while your hands are busy.

In 99% of cases, if we are honest with ourselves, the time is there...we just have to use it that way.

And then the trick is: make it count.

The Blessing and Curse of Routine...

2007-11-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

I love routine...it makes my life liveable...

My weekly routine goes like this (most of the time...)

Sunday: Morning Mass...sometimes three of them if I am working...load of laundry...12 o'clock football...change laundry...3 o'clock football...fold laundry...order Chinese food...write weekly menu...
Monday: Work...budget and bills for week...catch up with friends while Kevin is at class...make late supper...
Tuesday: Early morning meeting...work...home for random chores or projects...parish meeting hopping (Tuesday is everyone's favorite meeting night)...come home to hockey...
Wednesday: Work...work...work...home for a leftovers or frozen (originally from scratch mind you!)...faith formation night...possibly come home to hockey...
Thursday: Work...work...work...actually spend time with my husband...usually putting away Sunday's folded laundry...you guessed it, hockey...
Friday: Work...work...prep for weekend church work...spend time with my husband...usually sleeping or vegging in front of the TV...hopefully "What Not to Wear"...
Saturday: Wake up...morning errands...afternoon projects...dinner...maybe a date night...

And here is a rundown of my daily routine (most of the time...)

6:30 Wake up and push my sleeping husband into the shower
6:35 Take temperature
6:40 Roll out of body, sweep hair into rubber band, trip on a hanger, stumble into the kitchen
6:45 Make Kevin's oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee
6:50 Kiss Kevin goodbye and attempt to pour my own coffee
7:00 (Yes it takes me 10 minutes to pour my coffee...) Turn on the TODAY show and begin stretching
7:15 Sit ups
7:25 Sit and drink coffee for a BLESSED five minutes!!!
7:30 Shower, dress, dig and search for my name badge, change clothes, find shoes
7:55 Leave for work
8:00-11:30 Work (meaning, follow up on projects, make phone calls, gab with the staff, listen to the Holy Spirit...)
11:30 Eat lunch early (or I'm crabby!!!)
12:00-4:00 Work (meaning, well you know what I mean!)
4:00 Go home...do MY chores before Kevin gets home...clean kitchen, write bills, start dinner, release and feed the hounds (the cats)...if I'm lucky, workout...
5:00 Kevin gets home, eat early (or I'm crabby!!!)
6:30 Typically meetings...rarely dinner with friends...
8:00 Home...crash on the couch...watch hockey or play video games...
9:00 Drink my tea
9:30 Bedtime routine which consists of finding a t-shirt, closing the closet doors (yes, I'm a little paranoid...) and crawling into bed...
9:31 I'm out...gone...fast asleep...won't wake 'till morning...

Why did I just regale you with my routines? Because routine is a beautiful thing...it is also a thing of great amusement and great frustration...out of my routine, I'm a little off-kilter...but too "on" my routine and I get frustated by the fact that it just "starts over"...I never get out of it!! The laundry never gets DONE!!! The dishes are never CLEAN!!! My menu is never SET!!! The budget is never BALANCED!!! Life is constantly moving and routine is just that...moving...planning...doing...

My point is, we have to shake it up a little bit!!! Sometimes we have to throw a wrench in our routine...sometimes you just have to toss the plans out the window and do something completely unexpected...otherwise all you are is your routine! :)

Color My Life Lord!!

2007-10-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

As women of faith, God has created us for great things. He has created us with the ability to feel great joy and great sorrow. He has given us the influence to paint the world with our feelings and our lives.
And yet, so often we get caught up in our busy lives and the secular world. Our lives become stressful, dull, and neutral. We live in shades of gray or in some cases we become shrouded in black.

You’ve all seen or heard of the shows “Trading Spaces” or “While You Were Out”. The most exciting moment of these shows is the moment the designer opens the paint cans to reveal the creamy new color of the room. We need to help one another to open a few new paint cans in our lives by exploring one question:

What color palate is God creating in my life?

Consider the following passage. It is a passage I have struggled with regularly since I could understand it. How will I ever live up to the example of this woman??? How can I ever be as perfect as she is??? What I discovered when reading this passage in light of the forementioned question is that this woman's life was not about her successes or her failures, but her ability to create a beautiful palate of color in her life. Look at all of the amazing color and imagery used to tell her story!!!

Proverbs 31: 10-31
10 When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.
11 Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.
12 She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
13 She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.
14 Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.
15 She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.
16 She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.
18 She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.
20 She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.
21 She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.
22 She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.
23 Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.
24 She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.
27 She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness.
28 Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:
29 "Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all."
30 Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.

What color is your life today?

A Sad Week

2007-10-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

Life is so fragile.

Some people believe that deaths come in threes. This week they came in more than that. Kevin and I had to keep a firm eye on the end of the week hoping and praying it would bring an end to the sadness.

We were fortunate that the closest death came was a childhood playmate, but still. Each death made us reflect on just how delicate we are and just how out of control. Since our marriage, we have each become much more aware of how mortal we really are. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that now the impact of our own death is so much closer.

We had to elect life insurance this week (it is hard to believe there wasn't some kind of conspiracy going on there...). We both receive a small amount as a benefit through work, but we had to decide if we wanted more and how much. Kevin was adament that we get life insurance on him as the primary source of income. He wanted to be sure that I was provided for in the event of his death. He wanted me to be able to care for our children and myself in the most healthy way I could without him. I am very blessed by that gift. We filled out the election, sealed the envelope, and placed it in my purse for the mail.

Then I got to thinking, "What if something ever happened to me? What legacy did I want to leave for my husband and my children?" I want my husband only to worry and think about our children and not the expenses, not the budget. I want my children to have time with their dad. I want my children to have a good Catholic education. I don't want money to be an obstacle to the depth of their relationship in a time when they are so desperately going to need one another. I want to be sure that I leave my family in a state to successfully support one another without having to devote extra time to money.

So, I ripped open the election form and changed the election over to family. What's an extra $4 a month when you consider the benefits? For $48 a year I can assure that if God calls me home before I see my children grown, they will be cared for in a fashion similar to that which I would have cared for them.

Certainly, it is not all about the money, but in this case the money is what will make the care, the mercy, and the love an easier focus in a time of great darkness. And isn't that what God calls us to? We are called to look beyond ourselves and be loving stewards of our time, our love, our fortune, and our future.

Life is delicate. Embrace every opportunity. Love in every moment.

Oh Vey! Busy Woman Working!

2007-10-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not even halfway through my week and I am exhausted!!! Don't get me wrong, this week has been great, progressive and encouraging, but sometimes that can be just as exhausting as the difficult, digressive and discouraging weeks...

I need to be filled up. I need a good hour or two with good friends. But there are a few problems...

#1 My first stop is a call with my sisters or my mom. They get me. They get my brain and they understand my goofy issues...I've done that. Sadly, they live WAY TOO FAR AWAY and we are all WAY TOO BUSY for regular phone calls. We've also concluded that growing up we did each other a terrible disservice being best friends...we've set some incredibly high standards for friends...

#2 Sure, I can get together with some of our friends and have a nice stiff drink and plentiful laughs...but what about the values struggles? What about the relationship questions? What about those "womens" problems? Those can't exactly be the topic of polite happy-hour conversations...

#3 So, my next recourse would be church. I love church. There are great people at church. We have a Ladies Guild right? Yes and the membership is primarily 40+ women playing bunco and planning craft sales...okay, so that doesn't work either.

Where are our Catholic young people? Where do I find them? Specifically, where do I find young Catholic women? To quote a dear friend, I am tired of feeling like an island!!!

For those non-denominational friends out there who are saying, "Come to church with us! We have a women's ministry!", my polite answer has to be no (as much as I appreciate your friendship and your invitation). You just don't have what I need. I feel as much like an island at your church as I do at my own because I cannot partake in the Eucharistic feast and because in your small groups I can't be my authentic self, Catholic, without being frowned upon or challenged. So the answer must lie somewhere else, although I will admit doing research into that possibility.

We as women need each other. We need the kind of support system that our mothers and grandmothers had in their sisters, aunt and mothers. It is very hard for us to achieve that in today's transplantable society. We have compartmentalized ourselves from the world. We go to work in our cars by ourselves. We sit in our office or cubical by ourselves. We come home and crash in our own rooms. We spend our evening hours with a computer screen with one keyboard and one mouse. When we exercise we shut out the world with our IPODs and Zunes. Even at church we come in at the last minute, sit in "my regular pew", and leave the second the organ heaves its last note.

How are we supposed to find women of faith, value, and joy?

I want to encourage each of you to think about the women in your life. Do they uphold you? Do they bring you joy and color? Do you uphold them? If not, go to your parishes and your churches and share your struggle. Together we will get the message out. We need honest and loving women to hold us accountable and women with whom we can share the very essence of our lives.

I propose these seven initial steps. First we pray. Then we trust. Then we pray again. Then we look, we listen, and we ask. And then we pray again.

I am so blessed to be hosting a gathering of 8 women this weekend at my home. I ask for your prayers. I hope it will be a gathering of great joy, sharing, and support; somewhere that a woman can come to be filled up by other women who will uphold her value system and faith-life.

God gave us others to walk the journey with. Let's find them offer our hand in friendship.